Marking A Milestone: 6 Eye-Opening Lessons I've Learned From Guests Along The Way

In this milestone episode of Don-ations, Donavon reflects on what hitting 5,000 listens really means beyond the numbers: growth, self-awareness, and becoming someone who chooses peace over old patterns. Through powerful clips and honest storytelling, he unpacks how the podcast has evolved, how his guests have shaped him, and why this new season is about deeper alignment, not perfection.

If you’re in a season of quiet growth... outgrowing old habits, setting new boundaries, and trying to honor who you’re becoming... this episode will feel like a mirror and a reset. Tune in for a reflective conversation on milestones, gratitude, and what’s coming next for the Don-ations community. Music by DayFox on Pixabay 

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro + Milestone
• 4:15 Being The Bigger Person W/ Terry
• 16:59 Learning To Take Care Of Ourselves First W/ Saul
• 27:34 Trying To Carve Our Your Own Path W/ Mia
• 40:38 Being Kind & Living In The Moment W/ Marty & Tessa
• 53:12 Learning To Be Forged In The Fire W/ Derrick
• 1:05:36 Stepping Into Self-Awareness W/ Karissa
• 1:20:05 Outro

Transcript

SPEAKER_03: 0:48

What's up my friends? Welcome back to Donations. It's another beautiful day here at the place where we learn to live with care, move through the mess and the meaning, and see ourselves a little clearer every time. It's your host, Donovan, and as always, I'm so grateful that you joined me today. Just a quick reminder donations is a space for reflection and perspective. I'm not a therapist, I'm just sharing what's helped me heal and grow. So take what serves you and leave what doesn't. I've got a very special episode for you on deck today. Reaching 5,000 listens is one of those milestones you can imagine in the distance, but you don't really know what it will feel like until you're standing in it. And I've always believed in what donations could be, and I knew this milestone could happen when I first started out, but it was never the point. The focus has always been making sure that what this show offers actually lands episode by episode. But now that we've passed 5,000, it's starting to feel like other people might believe in it too. And I couldn't be more grateful for that. Just the other day, my cousin Brittany invited my boyfriend and I to see the Becky G documentary. And of course, it started out with a bang, her huge Coachella performance, the fast-paced life, the impact she's making. And my boyfriend leaned over and asked, What would a documentary about donations look like? And I had no words. 5,000 listens is not viral numbers. Donations is not the biggest mental health and wellness podcast on the planet. But to know that just one person can watch someone with a platform like Becky G's and mention donations in the same sentence. That's more than I could ever ask for. When my inner critic starts asking if 5,000 is even worth celebrating, that question reminds me that's not about the numbers. It's about the impact. And speaking of impact, over the past couple of years, I've had the honor of sitting down with some of the most extraordinary people. Guests who have poured out parts of themselves that changed the show and changed me. Who've shown me what resilience and love and empowerment and so much more really look like in real life. I'm so grateful for them, for you, and for every time you've invited donations into your life. And this is still just the beginning. Just wait and see what's to come. So today we're celebrating the donations community and 5,000 listens by revisiting some of those special conversations and the lessons they've left behind.

SPEAKER_08: 4:33

Oh because I feel like it's gonna lead to more, to more questions.

SPEAKER_03: 4:37

Yeah, absolutely. I I think um a lot of people think we need closure. But I think what sometimes when we seek it out too much, all it does is just feed that that hunger. And then it's like, oh now I want more. I just want more. And yeah, like you said, it just leads to more questions, and maybe not getting closure is probably the best thing in terms of moving forward, then you don't need it. And yeah, it is kind of sad to think that there isn't a very eye-opening moment for somebody to be like, Oh, I just lost one of the best things in my life, and they were so good to me that it's not always that. And sometimes the realization that might be there is just like, oh, someone's not doing these things for me anymore, or someone's not providing for me in this way. And it's a very selfish way to look at it.

SPEAKER_08: 5:27

I think that with you though, you you want to be the bigger person, you want to be kind, and I don't think that everyone deserves that. I think that you you know who you're dealing with, and there just comes a point where you have to pick and choose who how you are with everyone, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_03: 5:51

That that does make sense. You know, I always thought that I I th I always thought being the bigger person was being nice to somebody regardless and giving someone the benefit of the doubt regardless, seeing the best in them, regardless. But I think at this point in my life I realize being the bigger person also means being the bigger person for yourself and stepping in for yourself and just drawing that boundary and saying, like, you know, I don't always have to respond. I don't always have to give you the time of day, and that doesn't mean I'm a bad person, or that doesn't mean I'm being cold. That just means I'm keeping my peace over here.

SPEAKER_08: 6:29

I think more than ever that means that you you, you know, definitely it's I care about you, but I love me. And it's always been, you know, I love I love you, but I love me more. But I I think at the point you have to have peace within yourself. Because at the end of the day, you know, they're not sitting at home holding you while you cry or or you know, be what you need what you needed from them and they weren't able to give you.

SPEAKER_07: 7:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 7:01

It was just about learning to walk away at that point. We're we're not old, obviously, but we're not kids anymore. You know, we're this is not junior high, high school love and games. It's just I'm getting older and I'm looking for the someone that can give me what I I need from them and what I know can be reciprocated. And if you can't give me that at this point, I choose me and I choose to walk away, and that should be good enough for all of us. If you would like to give me some sort of explanation or express yourself towards me, then I you know I'll accept it because I am still a kind person. But at the end of the day, I don't have to do anything.

unknown: 7:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 7:50

You just have to draw those lines, set your boundaries because I think the day that you feel like you're gonna be tied to someone is the day that you know that everything that you give is gonna be given back to you 100%.

SPEAKER_03: 8:06

Yeah, absolutely. It it brings to mind the thought like if you couldn't step up for me back then or back whenever, and like what are you gonna do to step up to me now?

SPEAKER_08: 8:17

Like I'm not, I'm not gonna be, you know, one call away anymore. And like I said, it's just you have to decide to step back at that point because it's just it's for your mental health, for your well-being, for your overall, because you can't tell me that whenever you have someone or you know, some okay, so for example, when you start something new and oh my god, they text me, and you know, you get excited when you see their name pop up on the screen, just the the way that you that makes you feel, the way that you know you get excited, the happiness that comes from it, whenever you the things start getting rocky, that affects your day as well in a negative way. And it's only affecting you. So why why let it take a toll on you?

SPEAKER_03: 9:09

I think that goes for all types of relationships, not just romantic, like it goes for friendships and f for familial relationships, and I think even to the extent of like professional relationships, work relationships, like I feel like I'm at the point with all of the above.

SPEAKER_08: 9:30

Uh starting, you know, with family and ending off. Obviously, I don't have a relationship, but I am just kind of at the point where if you are not not necessarily serving me. Because no one has to give you anything, right? Your happiness uh comes from you and only you, unless you let it come from anywhere else. But I think that I'm at the point where if you're in my life and what I give to you is not reciprocated, then I don't think that I want you. It doesn't matter who you are, but I don't think that I want you in my life anymore. It's just I think it's just a part of growing up and just like I said, loving you first. And that's hard for a lot of people to do because you know you're like, oh, well, they're my family. I have to, I'm stuck with them. But no, not necessarily because if they're making if they're taking a men, if it's taking a mental, how do I say it? It's mental toll, is that is that the right correct way to say it on you and and you know they're stressing you out, and I mean it's just why why deal with it? Make make your own happiness.

SPEAKER_03: 10:41

Yeah. I mean, if you see yourself putting in that effort and it not being matched, and it's like there's only so much you can give, right? And it's like when do you start pouring back into yourself?

SPEAKER_08: 10:51

And I feel like with you and I are a lot, we're very similar in that aspect of how we are with people and how hard we love. But I think that you're still so kind-hearted that it's still gonna take you a little bit more. Like someone has to push you just a little bit more over the edge. And I I don't want that for you, obviously. But I think it's gonna happen, and I think that you're gonna 1000% truly understand when I tell you, you know, just love you and worry about you and do you because I mean you can't make everyone happy, and that's just that's just the truth at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_03: 11:34

Yeah. You know, that used to be so heavy on me. It's not as much anymore, but the idea of not being able to like make everyone happy, at least like family members and like best friends and close relationships like that. Like, if I if it used to be so heavy to think that I couldn't make every single one of those people happy at the same time. And now, like you say, like I love you, but I love me more. I've found something.

SPEAKER_08: 12:00

No, I I care about you.

SPEAKER_03: 12:01

Oh, I care about you.

SPEAKER_08: 12:02

I guess it depends on the person. I care about you, but I love me. And and it depends. Um obviously, there every relationship is different. Some people you love, some people you care about acquaintances, but yeah, go on. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03: 12:13

Yeah, no, um, yeah, I was just gonna say, I have found so much love for myself this past year that um that I'm I'm I'm starting to do, I feel like I'm starting to realize when someone is pushing me a little bit more than they should, to that point where it's like, okay, I'm gonna have to stop being the nice guy, but I'm realizing how necessary it is sometimes just to be like, no, and that and that's it. You don't need an explanation. My answer is just no.

SPEAKER_08: 12:40

And I've I I understand that 1000% because I've I have gone back in, I mean, you know, you things happen and then you kind of go back in your head and you're like, oh God, why did I say that? Yeah, why was I such a bitch and this and that? And you know, but I look at everything that's happened, and I had this this conversation the other day with someone, and it was a family member, and um I said, I told them, I said, look, I said, what I spoke, it wasn't a lie. Whether they liked it or not, you know, that's on them, but it wasn't a lie. I was just speaking the truth, and they just don't like it. And I think that's what's hard, and it gets harder because I think people see you as lura, and uh uh, you know, uh I guess hard would be the right word in English.

SPEAKER_07: 13:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08: 13:34

But but it's not. You're just you they're just you get to a point where you just can't take it anymore.

SPEAKER_03: 13:41

Yeah, and I think it's it's such a dramatic thing for the other people. Like when when you know, we're used to being the nice guy or the nice girl. We're you know, it's so hard for the other people to see us as being mean or saying things straight outright, how you know, like telling the truth, telling things the way they are, telling it like it is. It's hard for other people to see us that way because that doesn't fit in what they know as like what their life is.

SPEAKER_08: 14:07

Who you are, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 14:08

In their life, and the way they see, the way they see the world, you look a certain way. And when you step outside of that, it's like, whoa, who is this person? And it's like, this is me taking a stand for myself.

SPEAKER_08: 14:21

Yes, and you have to, because if not, you're just gonna keep getting walked all over, and and at the end of the day, like I said, it's just that just it's it affects you and no one else.

SPEAKER_03: 14:32

Yeah, you know, and that is so upsetting to me. I mean, trust me, I'm I'm right there. I'm like, I'm not gonna let these people walk all over me anymore. I'm not gonna, you know, let things slide anymore. But it it's so disappointing to me sometimes to see some of the closest people to you like disappoint you so hard. Yeah. And I'm I'm sure I'm sure I've disappointed some people in my life too, and I take accountability for that 100%. You know, and I've and I've tried to take the opportunity to opportunity to apologize the times that I've been granted the chance to, or the times that I've been, you know, given the responsibility to. Yeah, if I'm in the wrong, right? Yeah, exactly. But um, you know, it's so hard, it is, it's so hard to have these people so close to you disappoint you. And I feel like I've had more instances than that than one should have this past year, but uh it's it's taught me a lot. This has been some of the biggest lessons I've learned.

SPEAKER_08: 15:34

Um I mean, life is hard in general, and we we really make it harder on ourselves because you feel so much all the time. And I know not everyone is like that, but you know, I know you are, and I know I am to an extent now, I guess, that you feel so so much for you just wanna you wanna fix everything, you want everyone to be happy, you want everyone to love you, you want you know, whatever, everything to go right for you, for them, and it's just it's it's impossible.

SPEAKER_03: 16:10

That conversation shifted something huge for me. I'd always thought being the bigger person meant giving people endless chances, answering every text, explaining myself until they finally got it. But Terry helped me see that sometimes the bigger person is the one who steps in for themselves and says, I care about you, but I love me more, and I'm allowed to walk away. If you're chasing closure from someone who's already shown you their limit, this is your permission to let the lack of closure be the closure and protect your peace instead. This next lesson comes from my conversation with my friend Soul, where we got into what it really means to be a good friend when you've spent most of your life skipping your own feelings and jumping straight into fixing everyone else's.

SPEAKER_00: 17:11

You're the youngest in your family, right? I'm the oldest. But for whatever reason, I feel like our generation is used to just like keep the ball rolling. Like whatever happens in life, like we don't have time to feel things, we don't have time to experience the emotions behind what happened for whatever reason. You just had to get up and just keep going. And then after that, the rush of emotions would come, but you're like, wait, where is this coming from? It's kind of late for that now, you know? Yeah. Delayed emotions, right? That's something that I I have had delayed emotions like a year, you know, like a year and a half after something happens. And maybe once again, it's just something we're used to doing. It's it can be a positive, but it can also be a negative thing, you know, is like, where do you find the balance in allowing yourself to go through these emotions as this is happening? Right. And so when I have tried in the past to sit with myself and be still, very uncomfortable for me, by the way, is um I get very anxious and antsy, and I immediately jump to my phone and I want to like go check on somebody else. Like, hey, how are you doing? Hey, how's your day going? Hey, is there anything I can do to help you? Like, and I'm not saying that to toot my own horn or whatever, but I feel like that's just been a pattern in my life. That it's like if I'm not taking care of somebody and making sure this other situation is right, I'm kind of using someone else's situation to distract myself maybe from my own, right? But genuinely trying to help out, genuinely trying to reach out and say, like, hey, how can I be a good friend to you? The thing is now I'm starting to realize, unfortunately, in some of my friendships recently, I am not a good friend because I have not taken care of myself well enough to offer what I can offer whenever I'm well. You know what I mean? I mean when I'm like well put together, when I've worked on myself, when I've embraced the negative things about myself and acknowledged them and started to work on them. Right. Instead, I'm just still trying to push, and there's this tension because I'm trying to help these people out in their situations that I know they need a good friend in, but I'm not that good friend any longer because I haven't allowed myself to go back and recharge. You know what I'm saying? And um that's always been a problem of mine too, you know? And and I think when that kind of goes back to fear of failure and friendships. I'm failing people, I'm letting them down. You know what I mean? Gotcha. And that's something else that I feel like I've it's still feel of it's it's still fear of failure in that sense.

SPEAKER_03: 19:27

So would you say then when you feel that fear creeping in, what do you what do you do?

SPEAKER_00: 19:32

Do you not just pull away, or do you Yeah, usually my response is to pull away. I'm like, um I go down this like pity party of like, see, you're not worth anything, or you failed here again, you let these people down. Like you could have done something differently to help them out, and instead, you know, you proved what you always thought to be right in the past, which is like you're not good enough, you're not valuable, you didn't add value to the situation, you made it worse. And then I yeah, I pull back. I pull away and I just kinda isolate for a while. And I have my own little pity party. And then the pattern continues. I go try again instead of fixing instead of saying, okay, why did you fail here? What happened? How do we fix the situation and avoid it from happening again? It's like a repeated pattern of the same failures kind of thing, you know?

SPEAKER_03: 20:20

It feels like anyways. I get you. I hear you. I guess I what what makes you feel that you failed? I mean do you think there's certain expectations you have to meet or uh I guess naturally um you want to fix the situation?

SPEAKER_00: 20:38

And maybe that's unrealistic too. Maybe that's too much pressure that I put on myself. It's like, how can I make the situation better? How can I help this person not feel the way they're feeling anymore? And I guess even in saying that just now, I'm realizing like sometimes that's what's necessary in the moment. They need to feel these things. So um I think that I've one thing I've noticed about myself that it's not easy to admit is I'm not a very good listener. I'm not. I I feel like when someone comes to me with a problem, and I've been intentional trying to be better about it. You know, I don't know if you've heard this lately when people say like it's very good for you to stop and say, Hey, what kind of friend do you need right now? Do you need me to give you advice and tell you what needs to be done and be real with you? Or do you just need me to sit here and listen to you?

SPEAKER_07: 21:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 21:22

Right? And so I've really been trying to be aware of that and practice that. But it's it's a battle because I'm used to saying, you're presenting this problem to me, let's automatically find a solution. And I feel like that comes from once again, in my upbringing, something happens, I don't have time to feel or think or anything. That's last resort. That's like last on my priority list. What's important right now is how do we keep the ball going rolling? How do we keep on going? Keep it going. We don't stop. We don't stop. We have things to do. Things still need to get done tomorrow. You know what I mean? And we still got to keep going. So we don't have time for this feeling stuff.

SPEAKER_03: 21:55

That right there. I think it's that. I mean, I feel that that keep the ball rolling is because we don't think we have enough time. We have limited time here, right? And and we're running out. And there's certain things we can do when we're 20, and there's certain things we can do when we're 30. And by the time we're 40, we can't do those things anymore. And so we're running out of time. So we need to keep going and we need to get it done, right? But that prevents us, like, how if in a way, how efficiently are we living life if we're just constantly going and going and going, and we feel feelings a year later, and it's like this there's no space for this right now. So we keep going and going. And so I I guess I ask, how efficiently are we living life when we do that? Because feel what you need to feel right now and process what you need to process right now, which which I think it feeds into that inner battle I'm going with right now. Like, life is throwing these things at me, and it's like, no, keep going, come on, let's go. And I'm like, No, I want to feel this. Yeah, I don't want to, in a sense, get stuck here. Yeah. Or have a part of me stuck here that I didn't process or sort through, and then later on be like, oh, there's something missing here. Why?

SPEAKER_00: 23:06

Yeah. And you know, I think it's a combination of of us not allowing ourselves to feel things, is a combination of we gotta keep going. We're not we don't have enough time for this. Like we'll deal with feelings later. We just gotta keep on checking off our to-do lists, right? So that we can get where we want to be here, whatever, right? Yeah. But I think another thing also is possibly with me, it's been the stigma that feelings and showing feelings is a weakness, right? Which I feel like a lot of our generation has already started to reshape that and revisit that and see that that's not the case. Like, it's not wrong to shed a tear from time to time because a situation that happened, you know what I mean, made you feel this way, right?

SPEAKER_03: 23:48

Yeah. That that's that's huge because I I've started to recognize more in life. I've always felt emotions at such a high in in such a high sense, and I've always been so hyper-aware of my emotions. And I've always just kind of let them be. Um, but in a sense, it's like I kind of hid myself from certain situations. I was like, this is gonna make me look sensitive, this is gonna make me look weak, right? Um, and I understand that emotions aren't easily accessed by others um or by some. Um, but I was in front of my parents the other day and we were talking about something, and I just felt so much emotion, and I was just like, they're not drawing attention to it. Okay, just let it flow. So, like, but that's rare, right? Like, how many times are we in front of our friends or in front of people in general, and they're like, Are you crying right now? What are you crying about? And it's like, I just cry.

SPEAKER_00: 24:37

Yeah. You know, it's funny though, because maybe some of sometimes those moments are just meant for ourselves. You're sitting back, and not a lot of people are where are able to do that, is sitting back and taking in the moment, the present moment for what it is. And maybe that's something that we don't do. Um, there if you're in a room full of people nowadays, and if you stop and look around, nobody's living in the present. Everybody's either living like inside their phones, talking to someone else who isn't even there, or just don't get me started on social media, or like um thinking about what's gonna happen after this, or thinking about what happened last night, not living in the present moment. And so I think that potentially you being able to feel what's happening in the moment is just a confirmation and like a of you living in the present. Yeah that you are there, that you are taking everything in for what it is. I had one of those moments this year that I felt like, wow, like I I'm just gonna let this emotion happen just because it's like an emotion. Like it was uh my birthday, right? And my mom, uh she uh she got me a card and just what it said, it was it was very sincere and very like heartwarming. And uh it's the first time in a long time that I really took in the words that she had to say and like really allowed, like, wow, like I have been moving way too fast to stop and place value on the people in my life that have constantly been saying the things that she told me in this birthday card. She tells me that all the time. But it took me to stop in that moment and to make intentional time to spend with her for my birthday, right? And and to recognize that. Like, why am I in such a rush to get to tomorrow? Like, I need to just chill out and live in this moment. And once again, crying is a sign of weakness, subconsciously, right? So I didn't let her see me cry. But I for sure was like, I just went up to her and hugged her and gave her a kiss on the forehead, and I was like, Thank you, Mom, I love you, I appreciate it. And then I drove home crying. But it was a beautiful moment, man. It was it was um living in the present and maybe a reminder of the things that are there constantly that you don't see because we're too busy, we're too fast in life, you know.

SPEAKER_07: 26:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 26:38

So that conversation really hit me hard because I've done that countless times. Rushed in to help, answering every hey, can we talk? And called it being a good friend, while my own stuff sat in the corner collecting dust. So naming that pattern out loud and even admitting I'm not a very good listener made me rethink what showing up actually looks like. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for your people is to sit with your own feelings first, so you're not using their pain as a distraction from yours. If you've been measuring your worth by how much you fix for others, this is your reminder that being a good friend starts with not abandoning yourself. This next lesson came from my conversation with my good friend Mia, where we talked about that thin line between being inspired by people online and slowly shrinking yourself because your life doesn't look like their 30-second highlight reel.

SPEAKER_09: 27:49

Are you ever like on Instagram? So, like, I'm sure there's like some podcasters that you follow that you like thoroughly enjoy and you see them being authentic, and you're like, man, like I know I can create content like that, or know that I am authentic and I could create exact same thing, but do it in my own way, you know? Yeah, so I like it's the same thing. Like I have like photographers that I follow, and I'm like, man, like they're they're literally showing me like the blueprint, you know, on how they are having you know success or getting getting those views, um, and all that. And I I mean I I think in my life, I have done when I'm when I'm doing something or I'm trying to do something, like you are trying to like emulate what other people are doing, you know, like and I can I always attribute it back to like sports because that's like you know what I did, and it's like you know, you see the way that they swing or they hit or the way they throw, and they're experts, you know, they're really, really good. And so you try to emulate that. And I mean the best ideas are copied ideas, you know?

SPEAKER_03: 28:57

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_09: 28:58

So I feel like there's there's a balance, you know. You're not trying to do exactly what they're doing, but I do think that you can like pick and choose. Okay, I like the way they do this, I like the way they do that, and I don't really like that. I'm gonna tweak it to how I like it. So I think there is good in like looking up to somebody else doing what you're doing.

SPEAKER_03: 29:20

Yeah, you can definitely take things like that and use them as motivation. And like you said, put your own spin on it, do it your way. And I think that's like not only just for social media. I think we can look at that like in life too, right? There's people that want to go into the same profession as someone else, or just whatever it is, whether it's online or offline, like we're there are already people doing what we want to do, right? And and of course we draw inspiration and you know, ideas from that, but I think putting our own stamp on things or carving our own path with those ideas or inspirations in our pop back pocket, like that's how we carve out our way. That's how we find our journey, that's how we find our path. Exactly. And I I say all that, but still like question why do you think we put so much value on what everybody else is doing, or the life that everybody else is having online? And is it realistic to use those as benchmarks or places that we should uh aspire to get to?

SPEAKER_09: 30:23

I think it just depends on what your end goal is, you know, and it's different for everybody. Um that's a tough question. That's a tough question.

SPEAKER_03: 30:38

I I think we put value on it because it's it's packaged very nicely, right? Like we just catch a glimpse of someone's life online and it's packaged really nicely, and it's like it's got the filters on and it's got the nice emotional music in the background, and it's this short presentation, maybe like 30 seconds of their full day that we get to see, and we attach that to everything we're seeing in our life right now. And it's like, well, I didn't I didn't see that today. Then we we devalue ourselves in that way when we when we compare in that sense. And I you know, I think it's it's that dopamine hit that we get like when we see these things and we we those things fire off in our brain that like we get excited and we feel good about, and then we realize that it's we're watching someone else in someone else's life, and just that alone is why we value it so much and try to have our lives match match that. But I I mean I think it takes like bringing it all the way back down to realize that's not realistic, that's not their whole day, you know. They're going through struggles too, they're experiencing rough patches too, they're trying to get over the hurdle of whatever, you know. And we we forget that because we're just getting those hits of excitement when we scroll through these videos or these photos.

SPEAKER_09: 31:56

It's kind of messed up, isn't it? Yeah, it's it's I don't want to get into like the cynical side of it, but it's like I mean, they definitely know what they're doing.

SPEAKER_03: 32:06

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. And I mean, like you said, it's a balance, right? Like we can find motivation and really like push ourselves to reach goals, right? But at the same time, we can kind of get down on ourselves feeling like we're not doing enough. And so maybe there are there are some ways to use what we see other people doing online as benchmarks, but at the same time going back to carving our own path.

SPEAKER_09: 32:32

I also think, too, like it's based on what your angle is. So for me, it's like photography. So I'm following a lot of photographers, but at the same time, it's you know, I I'm not just looking at photography content. So it's also based on what else I follow. If you're watching good things and you're scrolling and you're seeing good things, like you're you're probably gonna have like a more positive outlook on it, as opposed to if you're following more toxic things. Yeah, then that's probably gonna hit you a lot more of like, oh, I wish I was there, oh I wish I had that, or I wish I had that life, and it will, it can put you down and it can drain you, and that sucks. You know, I wish and some people don't don't even realize like that's what they're following, you know. So I just try to I just try to watch what I intake and how much I intake it, because that also plays a part into your whole mental state.

SPEAKER_03: 33:37

If I'm being completely honest, I think I've experienced a bit more anxiety because of the things I've seen online and we're shown what we interact with, right? Why they call it the for you page or whatever, you know, like it's it's curated towards what we interact with. And yeah, I think we've got to be really careful about what we're feeding ourselves.

SPEAKER_09: 33:57

What do you think about because like you do have a for you page, but do you ever find yourself whenever you hop on an app and you start scrolling, you start seeing the same things that you saw maybe an hour before when you were just on, or the days before that you were just on. And now they have this whole algorithm thing that it just knows it's like programmed to know what you like.

SPEAKER_03: 34:24

Right.

SPEAKER_09: 34:25

And it just keeps feeding that, feeding that based based on the things that you like, but also based on things that are going you're going through in your life.

SPEAKER_03: 34:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09: 34:35

That is crazy.

SPEAKER_03: 34:37

Yeah, you know, we can go into that whole thing about like our phones are listening to us, but I I guess nowadays it may not sound as crazy to the majority of people, but still to some. But I really do think they are listening to us. And when we are going through like tough things or going through rough patches in our lives that we're not necessarily watching those videos online, but we're saying those things out loud or we're using certain words, I think it picks up on that. And I think that's why we see those things. And yeah, that's really dangerous because sometimes that could take us down a whole rabbit hole of, well, if I'm feeling this way, this is exactly how I need to approach it. But then at the same time, is that like you said, are we feeding ourselves in a good way or in a toxic way?

SPEAKER_09: 35:21

Right, right. And I think it goes back also to like the person, like we've all gone through breakups. And I feel like my phone knew. My phone definitely knew. I'm hopping on Instagram and I'm seeing all of a sudden, I'm seeing like attachment styles. And so then I then I start getting into this whole rabbit hole for like weeks of just like studying like different attachment styles. And I was like, wow, like I've been going on this now for like two or three weeks. And I think it's it's almost like for me, you know, maybe I feel like I can be better or feel better, like in a mind state where I am down because I've I've survived through that so many times that like it's almost comfortable for me to be in that place. Um, and so that I feel like that's where you can get like that depression, that sadness, and stay in a rut like that if you don't know how to climb yourself out of it. So I found myself having to stop looking at stuff like that, follow different kinds of pages, and then you know, once the time I took the time to heal and find my happiness again, my phone was still stuck in that old algorithm of my depressed state.

SPEAKER_07: 36:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09: 36:40

And like I'm just like, come on, algorithm, like you gotta catch up. Like, I'm I'm over that, baby. Like, let's go. Like, like, come on. So it's just it's crazy. It's crazy because I definitely feel like while at times it can help you, um, at the worst times it can definitely be bad for you.

SPEAKER_03: 36:59

And when I was going through heartbreak and you know, a tough breakup at one point, my for you page is just showing me all these tarot card readers that are telling me they're coming back or they miss you and they want to reach out, right? And I'm and I'm completely feeding into that. And it's they start they start throwing out dates, right? They're like on this day, or it's like a Thursday and this month, and you start waiting for that day to come, right? And you start trying to build yourself up for that day, and then it comes, or whatever sign they said you were gonna see, you somehow see it in in your day-to-day life, and you like you're you get stuck in that. And I've felt that, and you're right, you you have to get to a point. I I mean, I guess if you really want to like move forward with your life and pull yourself out of those dark, dark days, you really have to get to a point where you're aware of what you're feeding yourself and and yeah, reprogram that for you, Paige, because it like you said, you're gonna jump back on. Every time you jump on, it's gonna be feeding you this stuff and and you're just gonna just gonna stay stuck and you're gonna be stagnant. And like you said, you can you can really get comfortable in those places feeling like, well, this is all I've ever known.

SPEAKER_09: 38:13

Mm-hmm. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03: 38:15

And there have been times where I guess I've quote unquote reprogrammed my for you page and I've stopped getting those tarot readings or whatever. And and then I guess like for a couple of months I won't see one for a while, and then out of nowhere, one pops up. I'm like, Oh, what is it? What is this supposed to tell me? What is this trying to tell me? And then I'm like, no, no, no, bring it back down. We don't want that.

SPEAKER_09: 38:38

Because then you'll go back into that anxiety, you'll put yourself in a whole state of anxiety, you'll start manifesting different things that is not what aligning with what you're trying to go for at the moment. Like, it's very, very easy and very, very quick to just slip right back into that. So you just gotta regulate. You have to regulate. And people always talk about like know yourself, know yourself. I think you definitely do. I think that's a little harsh to say like know yourself because for me, like I'm constantly changing, constantly seeing new viewpoints and new ways to view it. Um talking with others and seeing their viewpoints and being and trying to really be understanding. Yeah, that the way that I view things is not the only way. So um, I mean, we can go into a whole spiel about that, but no, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 39:29

I I think you you bring up a good point. That was one of the toughest things for me. I think when I've been in my dark states or my my dark periods of time in my life, like I haven't been able to connect with people because I haven't been open to accepting their points of views or open to sharing things because I wasn't regulated. That one made me look at my scrolling a lot differently. I love learning from other creators, but Mia naming The blueprint, and then us naming the dopamine hit and the filters, that's when it clicked that I was treating someone else's edited 30 seconds like a report card on my whole life. If you've been quietly measuring yourself against what you see online, this is your reminder that the point isn't to match someone else's real, it's to let their ideas sit in your back pocket while you keep carving your own path in real time. Now you know how I get about donations. I care about this show so much that sometimes I start stressing over whether it's funny enough or viral enough or relatable enough to deserve more listens. Tessa and Marty are two people who, without even trying, constantly remind me to chill the hell out, to relax and have fun, and remember that being a real human is enough.

SPEAKER_06: 41:10

I think I've always just been a very um extroverted person. But there's also times that I know like when to not talk or when to not have an argument or when to just shut off and be like, you know what, it's not worth it. But that's taken me a long time because before, if we're in an argument, well I'm gonna have the last words. Now it's like, you know what? What's the last words gonna get you? It's not winning a trophy. So I just I've learned as I've grown just shut off. But I'm I'm loud, but I'm also nice to people. I think it's a what makes a difference is I think beauty comes within. Yeah, absolutely. You could be looking like a toad and still have the beautiful soul, and I'm you're my kind of friend. But you could be the beautiful goddess and have a shit personality, and you're an ugly, ugly person to me.

SPEAKER_04: 41:57

Yeah, no, I think I've like as I've gotten older, gotten better at that. But if I'm around people I'm comfortable with, I'm not gonna stop talking. Yeah, yeah, definitely not shy.

SPEAKER_06: 42:07

The first I feel like the first time I met you, it was kind of like Jenny, and he's just kind of there. And me, I just walk in, like I'm gonna make sure that if you're uncomfortable, you're not gonna be for long. Or if I'm uncomfortable, I won't be for long. I'm gonna I'm gonna un I hate being uncomfortable in a situation, so I try to make it the most comfortable for both of us.

SPEAKER_03: 42:26

I I love that. I feel like uh I come out of my show the more someone pulls me out of my show. And so I appreciate that. And I I think I've always gravitated towards those people that do that.

SPEAKER_06: 42:38

Yeah, and you have so much fun. Like that time I was, yeah, I opened my window of my kitchen. That was I yelled out the window of my kitchen, and I was like, get your ass over here, we're drinking. He's like, Why don't I say I don't give a fuck? Get your ass up here. It comes right across the street, and then you ended up saying hours, yeah. And we had a blast.

SPEAKER_03: 42:57

And you know what? It's it's so crazy because you never really know what someone's going through. And at that day, I think it was like Christmas Eve or one of the times that like I was going through a very uncertain time, just kind of like questioning my next steps, questioning whether I was in the right place at the right time, kind of thing. And to kind of have you yell out the window and pull me out of that and say, get over here and just let loose and have fun. Let letting loose, uh, it's that's hard for me to do sometimes. Like, I don't do that all the time because I feel like I have to be structured because that's the only way I'm gonna get somewhere. But sometimes you just gotta let all that go. And you very much reminded me of that that day. And I'm eternally grateful for that because it just pulled me out of that mess for a second at least.

SPEAKER_04: 43:44

Definitely glad to help. What were you doing that day? Were you just like checking the mail, like walking the dog?

SPEAKER_06: 43:49

Poor guy was trying to just leave and go inside.

SPEAKER_04: 43:52

You were working out, or no, not even.

SPEAKER_06: 43:54

I literally caught him like walking inside from his vehicle, and I was like, What are you doing? Because I'm like, You were waiting for him. No, bitch. I'm sitting on the on my counter at my house, but my window is like a creeper window. Like my grandma used to scope out the whole damn neighborhood, so she'd be like, That girl's having another baby, that's her eighth one. I'm like, Grammy, stop looking, creeping on people. But here I am. I'm fucking out here looking creeping on people, and I'm like, Donovan. And then we ended up having like a blast.

SPEAKER_07: 44:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06: 44:21

But like I said, I'm I'm I'm a very good, I always make a way to make you feel comfortable. Even if you're so uncomfortable, you'll never feel uncomfortable with me because take it off. Or I think about if we're in an elevator together, I'm not gonna ride this elevator 20 flights with you and speak no words. I'm gonna make sure that if we're sitting close to each other, I'm gonna break the ice and be like, you know, like how are you? Whatever. Like, I don't want to feel awkward. And if it's up to you, like if someone's like good, all right, cool, like, you know, good congo. Like, I'll just crack a jump to try to make it not awkward. Sometimes it works, and sometimes you're still more awkward. Like, okay, and then they just stare at you, and you're like, okay.

SPEAKER_03: 45:05

I I admire that because sometimes, like, I mean, I I think about that too. Like, if I'm in an elevator with somebody, I'm like, well, I should really take this opportunity to say something and just you know, be nice to somebody or you know, make someone's day or something.

SPEAKER_04: 45:17

No, assert your dominance. You're taking five floors before we get to our floor.

SPEAKER_03: 45:25

Yeah, but sometimes I'm like thinking about it too much, and then the time passes, I'm like, well, missed my chance. Well, weather goes then.

SPEAKER_06: 45:31

Have a good day. In your head, have a good day.

SPEAKER_03: 45:34

It was a good ride. Thanks.

SPEAKER_06: 45:36

I could talk to a damn tree. There'll be people that are like, oh, you know that person? No. Just talking to them.

unknown: 45:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_06: 45:42

That's probably why my Snapchat has 800 friends, and I know like four. Literally, I'm like, oh, we're friends here.

SPEAKER_03: 45:51

Have you seen those TikToks? It's like, I guess maybe it's a newer thing, newer trend or something, but it's like, what do you look like? W-d-y-l? What do you look like? I haven't seen that one. I don't know. I guess I gotta see it. And I guess it's like I'm a I'm a what do you look like person. And so they show their Snapchat map and they've got like their whole USA map full because you're just randomly texting somebody, what do you look like? And you like become friends.

SPEAKER_06: 46:15

I haven't seen that yet. I to me that's kind of scary though.

SPEAKER_03: 46:18

That's a quick way to get murdered for sure.

SPEAKER_06: 46:19

Yeah. They'll pull up and like, damn, this bitch kind of she looks kind of big. Maybe it won't fuck with her. I got a compliment the other day. I said, I was like, I know I'm thick, that's okay. And she said, You look strong. And I said, That's even better because I have a juicy booty and I can kick your ass. You know, good compliment. I'm gonna take it.

SPEAKER_03: 46:41

Oh, the other day, um, I was talking to my parents about this fitness thing that's gonna be in Fort Worth next year, and I was all excited about it, telling them about it. And my dad was like, Are you gonna get real fit to go? Like whenever you go. I was like, You don't think I'm fit right now? Like, you know, no, and then my mom was like, She knew he was joking, like what he was trying to say. He's like, No, I didn't mean it like that. And my mom was in the background like smiling, like, he didn't mean it like that. And she was like, Um, she's like, You are fit, but you're real small. And I was like, kind of compliments.

SPEAKER_06: 47:10

I think you look great.

SPEAKER_04: 47:11

Well, thank you. I appreciate it. Speaking of Smash, we did that at uh ECL. We were driving in our car, and then as we'd see people like the the pedicaps, people like riding the bikes. We were in this like safety of the car, and we're like smash or pass. But like now that I'm here and like sobered up and stuff, I was like, we were only playing smash, and none of us ever said pass, and all of us were just going smash, smash, smash, corny bonk, but I was like, not one of us passed. That's other people out.

SPEAKER_03: 47:48

Um, what would you guys say is the driving force behind your decisions on a day-to-day basis?

SPEAKER_06: 47:55

Bills. I don't want to be broke and fucking homeless, so I'm like, okay, bitch, get up. You gotta you don't want to go to work too damn bad. Who's gonna pay him? You know, and I guess um haven't been successful on Feet Finder, so just the things that I'm just kidding. But it's just like, damn, how do all these other bitches like make money off that? But whatever. No, but for real, my driving forces, I think, is my grandma. I just wake up every day and I know I want to make her proud. So I just do stuff that I know that well, okay. I try and I try to do things the right way and make her proud. Um, I know half the time she's shaking her head because I don't make very good decisions, but I just want to be good, like how she was. You know, she was single mom of four kids, raised them all, raised me when she didn't have to all these years later. And it's just kind of like, damn, she's a bad bitch. I'm about to be a bad bitch. Yeah, and that's pretty much what it is, is you know I live for her, even though she's passed away. I just I live for her, I talk to her every day, and that's I think what I strive for is just to be like her. She's and then bills. I need some money because I'm trying to fucking go party.

SPEAKER_03: 49:04

She's your compass.

SPEAKER_06: 49:05

Yeah, I'm like, all right, gammy, which bar? No, just kidding. Which bar would have we got? No, no, she is my compass though to just do good, just be good.

SPEAKER_04: 49:14

Yeah, mine's very much that. Like, I need health insurance so I don't die. Like please, please. Um gotta repay that student loan because Papa Biden didn't take care of us this year. I thought I thought that was taken care of. Not me. Apparently, I make too much, but not enough to like uh you make too much at one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 49:36

What's your job? No. I want to be told you're making too much.

SPEAKER_04: 49:41

Um take care of myself, take care of others, my friends mostly. Um I got a real problem that I like like nice things. And that's alright. Yeah, and like I have to work because my dumbass likes nice things. That's okay.

SPEAKER_06: 49:57

I do too. I'm just kind of poor. I have a rich man's mind with a poor man's pocket.

SPEAKER_04: 50:02

Mine's working for adventures. Because I get back and I'm like, I need to work. Leave me alone. Don't talk to me. Don't invite me, yeah, don't invite me anywhere else else afterwards. Like I'm just stay home. I'm going, I'm going.

SPEAKER_06: 50:14

What's yours? I want to hear yours.

SPEAKER_03: 50:17

Um, you know, what gets me up in the morning is the chance to do something better. I feel like I'm the hardest person on myself. Sometimes I can be my biggest enemy. And I'm like, you did this wrong, and you weren't good enough to do this, and you didn't have the answers when it came to this. And lately I've been working on being my best friend and my biggest cheerleader instead of my biggest enemy. And so the chance to get something right or to do something better has been my driving force in uh this season of my life.

SPEAKER_06: 50:47

I think you're successful. We're always our own critic, we're always too hard on ourselves. To me, in my eyes, when I look at you, how you said, like, we're lights to you. We draw you, you draw me, you're a force to me. I see you running every day. I see you working out with people I've worked out over here too with you. Like, yeah, I go to Hotworks, yeah, I go and work out, yeah. We go to the gym, we'll go walking, we'll do this, I'll play volleyball, whatever it may be. But it's like you are so okay, clockwork. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this. And your ass is out here running, and I'm like, oh hell no, I'm gonna go eat a burger. Like, you know what I mean? Like you're very disciplined. That's something that even me and my cousin were just talking about the other day. He was like, damn, Donovan's out there running. He's he's like, I haven't been to the gym in two weeks. He's like, I'm about to get back on it. He's like, I want to be like him. And I was like, Me fucking too. That motherfucker's out there running all the time. But see, those are things you don't even know that sets behind your back that you wouldn't think yourself. You're everyone's their own critic. You can be the prettiest girl ever, and I have too big of a nose, I have too bushy eyebrows, I don't have an ass. I don't got t like, whatever, right? You never give yourself credit. I'll I have I'm guilty of doing that to myself. There's times that I'm like, I know I'm a very pretty person. I'm not ugly, but I I'm mean. I'm like, oh, you're, you know, you're this, you're that, you're not skinny enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not this. But then there's other times I'm like, but you're hot. I look at pictures or I do this, and I'm like, wow, I look really good. But you're your own worst critic. You're your own, like, you're not doing this, you're not doing this. But when I look at you, I would never even know you had things like that in your head. You never, like you said, you never know what someone's going through. So treat them with kindness.

SPEAKER_03: 52:23

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_06: 52:24

And if you have a bad day, make it better. You're gonna continue making it worse, you're gonna do something to better it.

SPEAKER_03: 52:32

That night and that whole conversation reminded me that donations doesn't have to compete with the loudest, wildest shows on the internet. It just has to do what it's already doing, it just has to be honest, kind, and a place where people feel a little lighter and more themselves when they leave. That's the goal. If you've been treating your own life like a project that has to perform all the time, this is your reminder to let the people who love you pull you out of your head and into the moment every now and then. Most of the time on donations, I'm the one asking questions and trying to draw things out of my guests. But in this conversation with my friend Derek, he definitely big brothered me a little bit, in the best way.

SPEAKER_01: 53:26

He reminded me that the versions of me I'm proud of didn't show up in spite of hard seasons, but partly because of them, and that I'm allowed to be present where my feet are instead of constantly feeling behind and anytime I feel myself kind of like thinking about a past trauma or kind of dwelling on it, I guess I've had a friend ask me before, like, Derek, how can you guarantee that you would be this person that you are right now, as caring as you are, as uh loving as you are with us, as you know, driven as you are, how can you guarantee that you would be this person had you not gone through those traumas? So even though they were horrible and you know, you never want to go back to that place, that showed you a part of yourself, what you wanted, what you didn't want, and that played a big part in shaping the the man you became.

SPEAKER_07: 54:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 54:21

And so that really does help me kind of like, okay, hey, this sucks that I went through this, but I'm this Derek because of that.

SPEAKER_03: 54:29

Yeah. That takes real maturity to look at a situation and choose to feel grateful because of it and and find the good in it, right? Rather than allow it to be this thing that's just like this monkey on your back for the rest of your life that is just weighing you down.

SPEAKER_01: 54:44

Definitely.

SPEAKER_03: 54:46

And speaking about building these strong relationships that pour into our cup, I think it's important to show up to the same extent that we want others to show up. I want someone to show up for me in these ways. And that's why I think consistency is really important because I think it's not only enough to, I guess, set the standard, but to also ensure that we're both meeting it when it when it comes to a relationship that pours into your cup, pours into my cup.

SPEAKER_01: 55:13

Yeah, consistency really is key. Yeah. I mean, if you think about it how you feel when someone does all the great things and then they turn around and they do really horrible things and they're not consistent, and how you feel about it, like that definitely sheds a new light on you know yourself showing up in the same capacity every time. I think part of that consistency as well is discipline. Because in order to have that consistency, you have to be disciplined. And for me, like what discipline is isn't just oh, I gotta do this, I gotta do this. Discipline is really choosing between what you want right now in this moment and then what you want long term. So knowing that I want people that are gonna show up for me on a consistent basis, that are gonna be there, they're gonna love on me, that are gonna help, you know, dig me out of that hole, I make sure that I I do those things even if I'm maybe not feeling a hundred percent up to it. Or if someone comes to me with an issue and I'm like, this may not seem like that big of a deal to me, but hey, it's a big deal to you, so I'm gonna show up and still be disciplined enough to show up even whenever I feel like, hey, you know, I have a different view on it. I I'm still gonna push for that consistency because, like you said, I want that same relationship, I want that same energy reciprocated to me. Yeah. Why would I not show up? How can I expect something of someone if I'm not willing to give that?

SPEAKER_03: 56:43

Yeah. One of the hardest things about seeing someone be one way and do all, like you said, do all the great things and all of a sudden turn around and do bad things that are inconsistent. I think one of the hardest things is that's the kind of thing, at least for me, that breeds that self-doubt and that insecurity. Yes. And it brings about all this questioning and it it can be hard to bring that kind of questioning to somebody who doesn't understand uh I guess where you're coming from or doesn't see an issue in their inconsistency. And it's like the golden rule, like, you know, how can you expect someone to do something to you if you if you're not gonna do it for them as well, right? And I think it takes like this real recognition and like, oh, something's going on here, then it's it's just as important to me as it is to you. Um and that may take some understanding, like you explaining it to me, helping me understand where you're coming from, and so that I can meet you halfway. But I'm I'm I'm here to you know to see that through, right? And uh I I think it's really hard whenever not a lot of people put enough focus on consistency in relationships and and how it really is give and take balance. Yes, definitely. Yeah, I'm kind of in a stagnant place and I feel like I need to switch things up or something.

SPEAKER_01: 58:21

You know? So is it stagnant in as in like you just feel stuck or bored, or like is it stagnant as in like you're not hitting a certain goal that you feel like you should be at, or I guess I just don't feel like I'm seeing as much progress as I guess I feel like I should be seeing.

SPEAKER_03: 58:40

But how are you measuring that? Um that's a good question. That's a good question. I I think I do this thing where I'm like, oh, it's already February. February a year ago, I was already doing this. And it's not that I'm like trying to do the same thing, it just feels like oh, by by the time February came around last year, I was feeling like I was really moving forward, and that feeling of stagnancy comes from like I guess I want to feel ignited again. And so what's gonna make you feel ignited? I don't know. I mean, I guess only I can figure that out, right? And and only I can find that within myself, and only I can do that, but Well, you know me.

SPEAKER_01: 59:23

I've always told you to have more grace with yourself. Yeah. And so part of that is realizing too that progression and growth is never linear. Yeah. It's never gonna be a straight, it's always uh like I mean, there's gonna be times and those dips and turns and curves and you know, all the things that feel like we're dropping and we're not doing as much as we could.

SPEAKER_05: 59:46

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01: 59:47

Those are the moments where it's like, hey, what am I supposed to be learning or doing in this moment? Where am I supposed to be putting this attention to help me grow even more? But you're always gonna come back up. Yeah. You're always gonna keep growing. I mean, and you're a smart person. I mean, you have it. You may not think you have it together, but you have it together, dude. You do. So like it. I kid you not. That really has been a big lesson of mine. Like starting over at a new business or starting over at a new business. Whereas at 21, I was managing a whole business, you know, myself. I was the big big dog. So it's like if I was to look at it like that in a sense, I'd be like, well, dang, Derek, you were doing this. Why aren't you running, you know, this, this, and such rap? But then again, at that time, I was, like you said, indulging in all the wrong things and partying and didn't have really good people around. I belonged to my job. I was there all the time. Like, whereas now, when I leave at 5 30, it's 5 30. I'm done. Like I can I can put some time into myself and loving myself and overall what I call dating myself.

SPEAKER_03: 1:01:01

Yeah. I think you make a good point. Like, not that I guess not that I'm not necessarily dating myself now, but I was putting more effort and intention in like learning about myself. And I didn't feel like I had to do something or I had to be something. I was like, well, this feels right today, and then this feels right today. I didn't, it's that rigidity, right? I'm I'm doing it to myself. I was doing this by last February, I should be doing this now. And it's like just putting myself in that box, right? Where it's like, what do you want to do? It's not about what you do. Yeah, exactly. It's not about what you have to do, it's about what you want to do.

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:31

Exactly. Are you finding that happiness? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 1:01:35

I mean, I do feel happy and I do feel content. Like I'm happy with where I'm at, and I feel like I have all the motivation and all the intention to, you know, continue moving forward and making progress, right? You see, like you make a good point with that as well. Progress is not linear. Yeah. And I I've even said that before. I don't know where I where it came from when I said it, but I was like, sometimes it's a reassessment. Yes. And I think that's what I'm going through now, is that re reassessing what works and what doesn't, and what's going to take me to the next level and what I have to leave behind. And that's hard, right? When it it helped me get here, I have to hold on to everything, right? Not necessarily. Environments change and seasons change.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_03: 1:02:12

And it's not always gonna be the same thing that's gonna help you either be planted or bloom in this next season. It's like you gotta shed some stuff, right?

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:22

Yeah. Always. Always.

SPEAKER_03: 1:02:25

I think that's what I'm doing. I'm trying to hold on to so many things. And it's like, no, it's a different season now.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:30

Yeah. Let it go.

SPEAKER_03: 1:02:33

Yeah, let it go.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:38

Honestly, like I said, this last year I've really given myself a lot of space to just go. And I think that's helped me be a lot more happy and feel like, hey, even if I don't know it all, this is where I'm supposed to be.

SPEAKER_03: 1:02:54

Yeah. There's plenty of times where we didn't we felt like we should be doing more, should be somewhere completely different. But it's like, no, you're supposed to be here because that's where you're at. Yeah. We push and pull at what we think needs to how things need to look when it's like, just enjoy the view right now, because it'll change before you know it.

SPEAKER_01: 1:03:13

There's this old Italian proverb, but I'm gonna send it to you because I don't want to say it because I'm gonna butcher it. Oh, okay. But it pretty much in English it translates to no matter which way you go or turn, you will always end up at home. It's true, no matter where you go, like you know, in any direction, where you're at is where you're supposed to be in that moment.

SPEAKER_03: 1:03:34

Yeah. So I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and I'm gonna say, what do we get to do today? Yes. Rather than what do we have to do today. I mean, obviously, I have to work, right? But it's like instead of it being like, what problems do we have to solve today at work? It's like, what do we get to do at work today? That's how I'm gonna look at it. And I'm gonna carry that with me. Definitely. Moving forward, I I thank you for that. Whether you realize you granted me that grace or not, that's something I needed very, very much. I'm glad you're in the space that you're at right now. And uh you've done one certification and then did the next one. It's like, okay, what's next? Like you're excited about what's next rather than like it has to look this way, has to look a certain way.

unknown: 1:04:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:04:14

Well, no, because honestly, that's why I say, like, you take you say how like great it is to talk to me about certain stuff and how I always like add insight. Like, literally, I'll start listening to an episode, and there will be like a thought that's already like in my head. I'm like, this is what it is. And then you'll start talking, and I'm like, damn it, wait, hold up. Like, this is changing my perspective a little bit. So it does open my eyes a lot. So I don't know. I feel the need to share that to let like you know, hey, this is what I took from it. This is my perspective. And like I said, just keeping those people around you that that feel like sunlight. Like it's it's good to have good people around.

SPEAKER_03: 1:04:54

The question, how can you guarantee you'd be this you without what you've lived through, has been one of the biggest perspective shifts for me. It doesn't make what happened okay, but it does keep me from throwing away the parts of myself that were forged there. And the what do we get to do today? line has become a quiet daily reset for me. If you've been living like you're always late to your own life, this is your reminder that where you are right now is still part of home, not some wrong turn you have to outrun. It feels pretty correct to end this episode with the person who was Donations' first guest ever. Three years ago, Carissa and I sat here as full-blown people pleasers, stressed about everyone's feelings and saying yes to things we didn't even want to do. This past year we came back for a part two, not because we've fixed people pleasing, but because we finally know ourselves better. We still catch those people-pleasing instincts, but we're a lot less willing to abandon ourselves for them. Um, yeah, you know, so there's a story that comes to mind with that one. Um I was in elementary. I don't remember what grade it was exactly, but I was in elementary, right? And this isn't the only experience I've had like this. I I know I've had experiences like this throughout my life, different times, but this is the one that comes to mind. And there was this TV show that I that I liked. And I would watch it every day after school, my favorite part of the day. And I was getting ready to be picked up from school, like school day was over, and I told two of my friends, I said, Hey, like, whenever you get home, watch this TV show, like just watch it. And I was so excited, like, to tell them to watch it. And so I went home and then I turned on the TV and I was watching the show, and like while I'm watching the episode, I was like thinking, like, well, isn't that so great? Like, ah, I can't wait to hear what they think about it. And immediately after it ended, I called them. We were on three-way, and I was like, What did y'all watch it? And they're like, Yeah. And I was like, Okay, I was like, Yeah, anything. What I was like, what'd you think? And they were like, I think one of them was like, Well, I've seen it before, and the other one's like, Yeah, I'd seen it. And I was like, Huh, okay, that's not the response I was thinking about or anticipating. And I think from that, like, why it still sticks to me today is because from that moment on I thought, like, well, not everybody gets what I get. Like, I've I was always the odd one out. I listened to different music, I watched different TV shows, I was into different things, and I got excited about different things, and I get so passionate about things that my excitement level is like way up here, and so I can't remember the exact last thing I got excited about that I was like feeling like I couldn't be excited about it, but I think I maybe a part of me always feels like that, no matter what it is, because I'm trying to gauge the other person's excitement level and then at the same time manage their experience and putting myself aside once again. It's like I'm not gonna jump in and tell you about my excitement because I want to know how you feel about it first before I even say I'm into it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:31

Oh my god, I feel 100% that because yeah, I'm like I can abandon myself so quickly by just like moods, reactions, everything. I'm just like, okay, well, I'm gonna be excited for me inside, but I'm not gonna voice that to anybody anymore. With whatever it was, I'm not gonna do it anymore. Because you're not vibing. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's just like 100% that. Yeah, I can't remember the last time that like I just like downplayed my excitement for anything. I because I do get excited for all kinds of little things, all kinds of little things, but like I just don't express it so much anymore.

SPEAKER_03: 1:09:14

Yeah, I think that's one of my favorite parts of our friendship is that you've always made me feel safe in whatever I'm excited about. And I hope I've done the same for you. Like, no matter what it was, like I just felt like whatever I was excited about, you were too. And that made me feel like that space was safe. Felt. Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:35

Absolutely, didn't even matter. It didn't matter. There was like, do you remember this from like whatever serial it is? S Club Seven.

SPEAKER_03: 1:09:43

So I didn't want to say, but S Club Seven was the show that I told my friends to watch.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:52

Whoever the hell you told they're lame.

SPEAKER_03: 1:09:55

Uh when it would show on ABC Family, and it was like on at the time, and I was like, watch this show. It was that one.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:02

I freaking loved S Club Seven, it was such a vibe.

SPEAKER_03: 1:10:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:06

How did you not vibe with that?

SPEAKER_03: 1:10:09

But you know, ever since then, I have these little moments with myself where I'm like, oh, I'm so excited about it, and I kind of once again isolate myself into that, and it's like, I'm gonna be excited about this in my own little bubble.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:20

It's because you don't want anybody to burst that bubble. Yeah. Just like you let them burst your bubble for that show. Like I mean, it's just like little things that have happened like that, you know what I mean? And so, like, we've taught ourselves to keep it inside, keep it with us, and then that's okay. That's how we're gonna feel it. Because not everybody's excited for the same things you are. Yeah. Granted, I can't always call you and tell you whatever that is, and you'll be like, sick.

SPEAKER_03: 1:10:50

Yeah, you know, I even feel that sometimes maybe it's not so much saying yes all the time, but maybe it's still managing someone else's emotions or being hyper aware of someone else's experience. Because I mean, I think about it and I'm like, not all the time, but sometimes when I'm sending TikToks, I'm hitting the share button and then I'm like, will they like this? Will they enjoy it? Will they get it?

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:14

I send it anyways.

SPEAKER_03: 1:11:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:15

I do go through that sometimes. I do, and then like I'll like unclick the name and then click the name and then unclick the name. And I'll be like, you know what? Fuck it. Like, you don't vibe with it, you don't vibe with it. Like, at least I sent it.

SPEAKER_03: 1:11:28

Like, hey, I thought about you.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:30

Just that. Like, I wanted you to laugh because I left.

SPEAKER_03: 1:11:33

Like, this took me.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:34

Are you gonna laugh? I don't know. But I hope you do. Like, I hope it lights up your day just a little bit. It does. I don't I can't imagine how people cannot be aware of other people's feelings. I know there are those people. I know. Like I I guess, like, there's not not everybody's a people pleaser, but it's insane to me that you can't like see that. I don't know. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03: 1:12:06

Yeah. There's plenty of people in my life that have just been like shrugged their shoulders, like, I mean, whatever, or just match their energy. Like, from one day to the next, like it's off their mind. And I'm like, I go to sleep thinking about someone else's feelings or whatever, because I said yes or no or what, wake up the next morning, instantly remember, ah shit.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:27

So sin in the past, you know, three years, I feel like I sleep a little bit more. And I don't know whether that has anything to do with my vitamins and magnesium that I'm taking. But I don't lose sleep as much anymore about it, about other people's feelings so much. I think because I just like go on to think like they don't think about me. Kind of. I don't know. I don't know whether they do or not.

SPEAKER_03: 1:12:57

Yeah, I agree though. I know I'm kind of I guess I'm kind of putting myself in that people-pleasing headspace.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:04

I because I think we won't ever not be in that people-pleasing headspace.

SPEAKER_03: 1:13:08

Right. But at the same time, I'm right there with you. Like, I sleep better, there's little to zero things keeping me up at night compared to three years ago.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:18

Oh my god, we were terrible. Listening to that, I was like, I like could remember where I was and what I was what I was dealing with, like listening to myself, and I was just like, You poor thing, you're so stressed about everything and everybody. But also, I think I was having the time of my life. I was just like saying yes to things that I didn't want to, but I was, yeah, and I was doing it, and then I was having a good time.

SPEAKER_03: 1:13:48

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, there have been a couple of times where I absolutely did not want to do something, said yes, and had the best time of my life.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:55

Absolutely. But I will say I don't feel like I break as many promises as I used to anymore. To myself at least.

SPEAKER_03: 1:14:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:08

You?

SPEAKER_03: 1:14:09

That's big. No, um, yeah, I don't think I do. I I feel like I'm learning to like I said in the beginning, like be aware of when I'm in that kind of that crossroads, like say yes, put yourself aside, or draw a line. I'm being more aware of that, and that helps me keep the balance of like even if I do say yes, can I find a way to set aside some room for me still? Like, yes, I'll yes, I want to do this, or yes, I'll be there for you, or yes, let's go. But also, I need to make sure you understand this is like your boundaries. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:46

Have you worked on your boundaries?

SPEAKER_03: 1:14:48

I have, yeah. Um drawing the boundaries isn't the problem, sticking to them myself is uh, but yeah, I've gotten better about them.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:59

Have I? Probably not. Am I sitting here and thinking about myself? I do feel like if I do break any promises to myself, being as if like I drew this boundary and that was surpassed. What am I gonna do about it? Because I promised myself that I wasn't gonna let that happen. But then I have to realize I can't control people, I can't control what they do. So I've told myself, like, you have to be realistic with the fact that that's just life. You can't control everything, you can't control other people, you can literally only control yourself. The way that I tell myself that all the time now is like you can't control people, you can't control their actions, you can only control you, and you can control your actions, you can control how you react to whatever situation it is. So, like, absolutely I'm breaking promises constantly with myself, but I'm more realistic with it.

SPEAKER_03: 1:16:04

That makes a lot of sense, you know. Uh you bring a point to mind like drawing the boundary and keeping that promise to ourselves. There's some times where like I'll draw it and I'm like, I've gotta, I've really gotta keep this promise to myself, I've really gotta stick to it. And so if someone's asking me to cross it, I'll say no because I need to take care of myself in that way, right? But then I go and I'm like, is it okay? Are we good? Like I'm overextending a little bit, kind of almost tiptoeing across that line, making sure they're good, even though I said no, like even though I said no, I still got this time to myself, like we're still good, right? Like, there's no problem.

SPEAKER_02: 1:16:47

That's just me and you though. You know what I mean? Like, it should be okay. Like, what do they say? No is a sentence. That should just be that.

SPEAKER_03: 1:16:55

Yeah. But I think sometimes with social pressures back to that, it's not always accepted.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:00

Right. No, it for sure isn't. Or like everybody thinks like you're mad at them.

SPEAKER_07: 1:17:06

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:06

It's like I'm not mad at anybody, I'm just in a weird space where I just not a weird space, but it's just like I just don't I don't want to. Yeah. I don't want to right now. Like I'm either tired or I'm not that talkative. I'm not in a talkative mood. I go through that a lot where it's like, it's not even like I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be there, but I can't make myself have a conversation. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03: 1:17:36

Yeah. That makes a lot of sense because I feel that sometimes and I feel so bad for it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:40

Mm-hmm. So do I. I feel terrible for it. But I'm like, would you rather me be there and just not have anything to say? And now you really think I'm mad at you. Now you really think like something's wrong when it's like, I just want to sit here and not say anything. I just want to watch a show. I just want to watch Love Island. That's a bunch of nonsense. Those challenges are ridiculous.

SPEAKER_03: 1:18:07

I've never seen it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:18:08

Have you not? It's a lot, but then you just sit there and you're looking at it and you're like, why the hell am I watching this? But it's literally just something to put on. It's just trash TV. That's all it is.

SPEAKER_07: 1:18:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:18:20

But that's I love it. I love to just push play and watch like 10 episodes. These people have nothing to do with my life. And I think that's why I like it. And that's all I want to do. I want to do something that isn't going to like have to do with my life.

SPEAKER_03: 1:18:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:18:39

That sounds crazy and kind of sad. But and I don't feel like I'm in a bad place in my life right now. I really don't. I don't feel like I'm in a hole. I don't feel like I'm in a rut. I feel okay with my life and where I'm at and what I'm doing, how I'm going through it. I'm just like, I don't I don't want anything to damage that. Because I just feel like I'm in a good place. Which kind of sounds like I'm not in a good place.

SPEAKER_03: 1:19:09

No, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:12

I sound lonely, and I'm not lonely.

SPEAKER_03: 1:19:15

No, I don't know. I I would I would think some people would argue that that's peace.

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:20

Yeah. I do take that as peace. I'm just okay.

SPEAKER_03: 1:19:26

That's the kind of growth donations is really about for me. Not becoming a perfect person with perfect boundaries overnight, but noticing the old patterns faster and giving myself safer people and spaces to be fully excited in and choosing my own peace a little more often than I used to. If you're someone who still overthinks every yes, every no, uh, every text and TikTok you send, let this be a reminder that you don't have to wait until you're cured to start honoring yourself. Self-awareness is already a different way of living. Thank you so much for being here for this milestone and for letting donations be part of your own growth story. It means more than just a number on a screen to know that these conversations are actually meeting you in real life. Alright, your journal prompt for this episode is this. If your life had a 5,000 listens milestone moment right now, what would it be? And what would it look like to refuse to settle there and keep growing? I totally invite you to be specific about where you've already come farther than you thought you would, and then write down one brave next step that future you will thank you for. As donations crosses this milestone, it's not just about how far the show has come, but how far you're willing to keep going with yourself. This is a snapshot, not the finish line. If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who's also in a next chapter season. Or tag me and tell me the milestone you're claiming for yourself. And if you haven't yet, leaving a rating or review wherever you're listening helps this community grow more than you know. I'm just getting started here at donations. And if this is what the first few thousand listens look like, the next ones get to be even more honest, more intentional, and more aligned with you right there with me. Thank you so much. I can't say that enough. And take care of yourself, take care of your people. And until the next one, be careful.