Don-ations
Ever since I was a kid, I've always been called the sensitive one because of my inability to hide any emotion. Fast forward to my adult years and I'm no longer trying to hide what I'm feeling, I'm wearing my emotions like a badge of honor and using them as tools to help me navigate this crazy and chaotic yet beautiful life. This podcast is simple, I'm going to share simple stories that have taught me some great lessons. I'll share tips that I'm implementing to become the best version of myself. I'll share with you what's helped me navigate dating, relationships, family and friendship dynamics, love, and self discovery. And I'll dive into the human experience, whether just me or with guests, and hopefully shed some light, for you and me, on what the meaning of life just might be. I'm not trying to make it look like I have all the answers, I'm just trying to make it known I'm on this amazing ride too, right there by your side.
Don-ations
Don-Sessions: It was easier to disappear than to disappoint / People Pleasing Pt. 2 w/ Karissa Herrera
Three years after our first conversation about people pleasing, Karissa and I reunite to explore the subtle evolution of our journey. We've both changed… not by eliminating our people-pleasing tendencies, but by creating space for ourselves within them.
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I feel like I haven't people pleased in a while because I'm isolating myself. So I kind of took myself out of the situation in general. I don't think I changed as of like now I'm hearing myself talk and being like, fuck, I don't want them to hear this and be like she hates my guts. I don't hate anybody. I've literally just been like isolating myself for I don't even know what reason, because it's not even like I'm really going through anything. I, I'm just living my life what's up, what's up?
Speaker 2:welcome back to donations. We've got a very special Don Sessions episode today. It's been three years since our first episode on people pleasing and honestly I'm still untangling it. But this time we're tying up some loose ends. We're not just talking about saying yes when we mean no. We're exploring the subtle ways we give ourselves away and the blurry lines between care and self-abandonment and love and people-pleasing, and how far we'll go to feel safe and chosen and needed. And I couldn't have asked for a better person to revisit this conversation with than Carissa. She's been a friend, a mirror and someone I trust deeply to go there with me. This episode really feels like a gift, like finally getting to say what's been sitting in our hearts for years. So let's get into it. Let's draw the line together, together. Okay, we're recording. Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. This is my red shirt.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love your red shirt.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I used to have I don't know if you remember, but like frames and pictures down the hallway and there's a nail that I forgot there and I was walking by it, did it tear it. It ripped Right there.
Speaker 1:Honestly, though, that gives it character, that gives it like more character.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, that first episode episode, I definitely resonated with it. I definitely have my own big shirts. I'm not gonna lie to you, I almost stole one of your big shirts a while back, but I know that that's your favorite shirt which one?
Speaker 2:the gray michigan one? Yeah, I was literally looking for it the other day yeah, that one I do like.
Speaker 1:If I took one from you, that would be my oversized shirt. From you, I have one from my brother that, um, I do love. It's like an extra large or large or something like that. He doesn't even fit in that anymore, but um, I do. I do love that episode. I do feel the same way. You are not the only one here.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I'm glad it resonated in one way or another. Um, but yeah, that, uh michigan shirt is my brother's. It used to be my brother's, but I kept that one too. And then, uh, you know my black harley davidson shirt.
Speaker 1:It used to be my mom's I have so many of my mom's shirts. I have so many of my mom's shirts. I have so many of my mom's shirts. I have one for my brother. I don't have one for my dad. I'm going to go sit one for my dad now. Yeah yeah, I love oversized shirts also.
Speaker 2:Me too.
Speaker 1:I was honestly going to like order some, but I feel like they mean more when they're from somebody else. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I have a couple oversized shirts. I'm just like you don't mean anything to me, something about being from somebody else. Well, I'm glad you liked it. You know, I feel like this whole different view that I have on the show and like the things that I'm talking about. I feel like in a way, it takes me back to kind of when I first started it, but it also feels new at the same time. So I've been visiting older episodes, like just listening to them again, seeing where I was at at the time and came back to our episode and it's like it's always been so special to me because it's one of the more popular episodes, but also because that was like the first you were the first guest episode and that kind of really opened up this new way of being vulnerable and being able to like talk to people.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, in a way that I hadn't done before, and so that's why I wanted to get back together and talk about it some more, because I felt like there were a lot of things that we left open-ended very much, yeah, when I re-listened to it, um like so much change.
Speaker 2:So much has changed from the person that I was then to the person I am now that's very much how I felt and the I think the biggest part for probably both of us was how we found out or realized that we had been abandoning ourselves, and that's always been on my mind when I've said yes to things that I didn't want to do or kind of put my own time aside.
Speaker 2:I know when it's happening and I'm more aware when I'm people pleasing and there is a moment that I check myself. I'm like you're saying yes again when you know you don't want to, and there's some times where I tell myself like it's not that big of a deal. Like I know I'm saying yes, but it's not that big of a deal. Like I know I'm saying yes, but it's not a big deal, but it leaves me on empty when it comes to like either I don't have time or I'm too tired for the things that I want to do for myself, and I find myself having to like I can't get mad at myself. You knew what you were doing. Like you can't even be mad. You made your bed Like this is it? But I make a mental note like okay, just remember.
Speaker 1:You were annoyed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but when I do that, I am like I have so many ideas and so many thoughts in my head and so many like plans and goals and I'm like, oh yeah, whenever I have time or this weekend, I'm gonna do that or I'm gonna devote time to this or whatever it is right, but I don't have time for that. And then I'm like waking up in the morning feeling so behind because you're not saying yes to yourself, right?
Speaker 1:so I don't feel as much of a people pleaser as I did. What was it three years ago?
Speaker 1:yeah yeah, definitely a lot's changed, a lot's changed. And then I feel like it hasn't, because I feel like I put myself first a lot more. After that, after you know us realizing that we abandoned ourselves in that one episode, it was just like an eye-opening thing. Re-listening to it, I was like, oh shit, we really did do that. We really just like figured that out, yeah. But while I was like listening to it, I was just like, yeah, I don't, I don't do that as much anymore. I do prioritize myself a little bit more. But I'm not gonna lie to you, it does feel a little if it's a little like isolating yeah I do feel like I have isolated myself a little bit more, because I don't say yes to everybody.
Speaker 1:I like I think about it and I'm like I used to go out every time. I used to go out every weekend, always didn't matter. Like yeah, I said yes. Like oh, you invited me, I said yes, and now I really don't be doing nothing.
Speaker 2:I'm at home yeah, I'm gonna work when I come home, and that's it yeah, you know, I've never had a problem with fomo before, but I feel like now I do. I feel like I experience it more because I'm very much doing the same thing. I'm'm like I'm going to do this and I'm not going to put myself in a position where I have to decide whether to say yes or no, and that way I just have my own time. But yeah, like you said, it is very isolating sometimes. I guess we got to find a balance. Maybe I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't know if my life will ever be balanced, to be honest, but it doesn't bother me. That's the thing, like when I am saying yes to stuff, now it doesn't bother me. So like if I'm doing anything for my mom or I'm doing anything for my family, my brother or whatever, I'm like, oh, I get off at this time, let's do this, or I'm off this day, we'll do this, and they prioritize me and my days off so they're like no, you need to rest, like it's your day off, take it.
Speaker 1:Like take your rest and um, I'm like, well, it's okay, it's fine. Like I don't, I'm not gonna do anything else. Like, even if I do have laundry or something to do, like I'll just do it later, so it doesn't bother me, like it used to. I don't feel as emotionally drained about it, because the things that I do say yes to now I do want to do. I don't mind them.
Speaker 2:I get that because I think about my family too. Sometimes, like my brother or my mom or like my niece and nephew, they, they like to guilt trip me. So whenever I'm like saying no or like I'm better not because I've got this going on, or trying to draw a line right in as nice of a way as possible, they'll be like, well, you're never with us or you never have any time anymore, you never come over, whatever. But it makes me feel bad. So then I'm like okay, like you're right, like we don't have forever yeah and so.
Speaker 1:But thinking in those terms, I'm like, yeah, I'll say, yes, I don't mind yeah like it doesn't feel like this heavy thing at the end of the day I think when it comes to like my family, I don't mind it not that I mind anything with like my friends, but at the same time it's different yeah, I get that too I don't know why, but it's different.
Speaker 1:And right now I can say that I feel like I've changed the person that I am and being a people pleaser, and I've isolated, but I haven't isolated from my family, but I have isolated from my friends in many like groups, because I've had, like I have different groups, you know, like I have different groups of friends, like I have my work friends and then, but I truly see them as friends, like true friends, and then I have, you know, the girls that I went to school with. I haven't seen them in forever and that's on me. You know, they still get together, they still do the dinners and everything, and it just got to a point where, like I couldn't get my schedule to align and it was feeling like a burden more than anything. So, which that sounds so ugly to say no, it doesn't.
Speaker 2:I think we all feel that sometimes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't like saying like you felt like a burden to me, because it's not really that. It's just like I just couldn't get my schedule to align with everybody's and so I stopped. Yeah, I really did. I think, really the only times that I say yes are like my family. But I feel so shitty saying that. Doesn't that sound crazy? That's straight back into people pleasing. That's straight back into people pleasing. That like I just feel shitty. But it's just like I don't want anybody to like hear this and think like like she felt some type of way you know what I mean like she felt some type of way about like hanging out. And it's not that, it's not that I didn't feel comfortable hanging out, it's not that I didn't feel comfortable going to dinners. Like I literally love every group of friend groups that I have. Like I love them so much, but I don't know what it is, I don't know yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2:I'm over here second guessing too, because I'm like I think we all do that, I think we all feel that way and I'm like, dang dude, am I just saying like we all feel that way, when it's really just me feeling that way, honestly?
Speaker 2:not, you know me and you really do think like a lot yeah I feel, we do, I, but you know what comes up whenever you said that it's just different for friends. Um, I feel like there's this pressure that's not there with family, like if I want to say no to family, or if I like just want to say I just want to lay down like it's not a big deal, yeah right.
Speaker 2:And like if they're telling me like oh, you never come around anymore, whatever like I'll see you later exaggerating whatever I'm oh, come tomorrow or I'll go the next day, whatever it doesn't feel like the biggest deal. Maybe it's social pressures, or maybe it's the fear of it being the time that someone finally says okay, I'm going to stop inviting you, that we don't do that with friends. And yeah, I totally get that. You know, growing growing up, sometimes, like whenever you're kind of like doing the back, talk, right. My mom would say you don't talk to your friends like that, don't talk to me like that. In my mind I was like she's right, like there's a pressure that's not there, that we don't.
Speaker 1:We can talk to our family that way, but we can't talk to our friends that way I think it's because, like at the end of the day, which it as of now, like, I feel like a lot of things have changed, whether like family's family you know what I mean I think a lot of people have put a lot more just because you're family, just because your blood, doesn't mean that you have to stay with it. You don't, you don't have to deal with the disrespect anymore or whatever it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:A lot of those things. I've seen a lot of people just like grow in it and be like just because your blood doesn't mean anything. But that's why I'm thinking like we do talk to our family that way, or we do have some type of attitude, because it's like you're my family you're not going anywhere.
Speaker 1:They might Now, they might, now they might, but back then, and I think still, it just depends how you say things but at the end of the day, like family's family and you're gonna get into arguments and you're gonna forgive regardless. Yeah, for the most part. So it's like okay, I don't want to go today, but at the end of the day, like I highly doubt you're gonna have a grudge on that because you're my family Friends. Different story yeah, as much as any friend would say, like doesn't matter. Eventually, if you stop going to things and you stop answering and you're isolating yourself, they stop. Or if you say something to a friend a certain type of way, they feel some type of way about it.
Speaker 2:It stops unless something is like made for you to like hash it out, kind of thing. Yeah, maybe that too, like the pressure that's there too, like why haven't you been around? Is it a problem with me or whatever? But with family it's like I've just been busy, like I'm here now, like whatever it's just like I just don't.
Speaker 1:I just wanted a day to rot in my bed. That's all I wanted, so I guess that's where it's been for me. I feel like I haven't people pleased in a while because I'm isolating myself, so I kind of took myself out of this situation. In general, I don't think I changed as a like. Now I'm here like hearing myself talk, being like fuck, I don't want them to hear this and be like she hates my guts. I don't hate anybody. Yeah, I've literally just been like isolating myself for I don't even know what reason, because it's not even like I'm really going through anything. I, I'm just living my life. Yeah, like I'm just living my life and this is where my life's at right now. It's work, it's home, because I'm paying a mortgage. Then I'm gonna enjoy the home.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna be at home what are you doing this weekend? Enjoying my rent literally enjoying these four walls that I that I pay so much money for yeah enjoying this ac for real, this electric bill oh, I don't even want to talk about my recent electric bill, oh my god so have you had anything exciting happen in your life that you just feel like you kind of can't express that too much, for whatever reason?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know. So there's a story that comes to mind. With that one, I was in elementary I don't remember what grade it was exactly, but I was in elementary right and this isn't the only experience I've had like this. I know I've had experiences like this throughout my life, different times, but this is the one that comes to mind.
Speaker 2:And there was this TV show that I liked and I would watch it every day after school, my favorite part of the day, and I was getting ready to be picked up from school, like school day was over, and I told two of my friends, I said, hey, like whenever you get home, watch this TV show. Like, just watch it. And I was so excited like to tell them to watch it. And so I went home and then I turned on the TV and I was watching the show and, like, while I'm watching the episode, I was like thinking like, well, isn't that so great? Like I like, well, isn't that so great? Like I can't wait to hear what they think about it. And immediately after it ended, I called them. We were on three-way and I was like, did y'all watch it?
Speaker 1:and they're like yeah, and I was like okay, I was like you got anything?
Speaker 2:what I was like, what'd you think? And they were like I think one of them was like, well, I've, I've seen it before. And the other one was like, yeah, I'd seen it. And I was like, huh, okay, that's not the response I was thinking about or anticipating. And I think from that, like why it still sticks with me today, is because from that moment on, I thought like, well, not everybody gets what I get.
Speaker 2:Like I was always the odd one out. I listened to different music, I watched different TV shows, I was into different things and I got excited about different things. And I get so passionate about things that my excitement level is like way up here, and so I can't remember the exact last thing I got excited about that I was like feeling like I couldn't be excited about it. But I think I maybe a part of me always feels like that, no matter what it is, because I'm trying to gauge the other person's excitement level and then, at the same time, manage their experience and, putting myself aside once again, it's like I'm not gonna jump in and tell you about my excitement, because I want to know how you feel about it first before I even say I'm into it oh, my god, I feel 100 that because, yeah, I'm like I can abandon myself so quickly by just like moods, reactions, everything.
Speaker 1:I'm just like, okay, well, I'm gonna be excited for me inside, but I'm not gonna voice that to anybody anymore. With whatever it was, I'm not gonna do it anymore because you're not vibing. You know what I mean. Yeah, it's just like 100 that. Yeah, I can't remember the last time that, like I just like downplayed my excitement for anything, because I do get excited for all kinds of little things, all kinds of little things, but like I just don't express it so much anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's one of my favorite parts of our friendship is that you've always made me feel safe in whatever I'm excited about, and I hope I've done the same for you.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:No matter what it was, I just felt like, whatever I was excited about, you were too, and that made me feel like that space was safe?
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely Didn't even matter. It didn't matter. There was like do you remember this from?
Speaker 2:like, whatever serial, it is s club seven so I didn't want to say but s club seven was the show that I told my friends to watch I loved s club seven. Whoever the hell you told they're lame uh, when it would show on abc family and it was like on at the time and I was like watch this show, but it was that one I freaking loved s club seven.
Speaker 1:It was such a vibe yeah how do you not vibe with that?
Speaker 2:but you know, ever since then, I have these little moments with myself where I'm like, oh, I'm so excited about and I kind of once again isolate myself into that, and it's like i'm'm so excited about, and I kind of once again isolate myself into that and it's like I'm gonna be excited about this in my own little bubble that's because you don't want anybody to burst that bubble.
Speaker 1:yeah, just like you, let them burst your bubble for that show, like I mean, it's just like little things that have happened like that. You know what I mean. And so like we've taught ourselves to keep it inside, keep it with us, and then that's OK. That's how we're going to feel it, because not everybody's excited for the same things you are. Yeah, granted, I can always call you and tell you whatever that is. And you'd be like sick.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, I even feel that sometimes maybe it's not so much saying yes all the time, even feel that sometimes maybe it's not so much saying yes all the time, but maybe it's still managing someone else's emotions or being hyper aware of someone else's experience. Because, I mean, I think about it and I'm like, not all the time, but sometimes when I'm sending tiktoks, I'm hitting the share button and then I'm like will they like this, will they enjoy, will they get it?
Speaker 1:I send it anyways. I do go through that sometimes I do, and then I'll unclick the name and then click the name and then unclick the name. And I'm like you know what, fuck it, you don't vibe with it. You don't vibe with it. At least I sent it.
Speaker 2:Like hey, I thought about you.
Speaker 1:Just that I I wanted you to laugh because I laughed this took me somewhere.
Speaker 2:Are you going to laugh?
Speaker 1:I don't know, but I hope you do. I hope it lights up your day just a little bit. It does. I don't, I can't imagine how people cannot be aware of other people's feelings. I know there are those people, I know, I guess, feelings. I know there are those people I know, like I guess, like there's not not everybody's a people pleaser, but it's insane to me that you can't like see that I don't know.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean yeah, there's plenty of people in my life that have just been like shrug their shoulders like I mean whatever, or just match their energy, like from one day to the next like it's off their mind and I'm like I go to sleep thinking about someone else's feelings or whatever, because I said yes or no or what. Wake up the next morning instantly, remember. Oh shit.
Speaker 1:So in the past, you know three years, I feel like I sleep a little bit more, and I don't know whether that has anything to do with my vitamins and magnesium that I'm taking, but I don't lose sleep as much anymore about it, about other people's feelings so much, I think, because I just like go on to think like they don't think about me, kind of I don't know, I don't know whether they do or not yeah, I agree, though I know I'm kind of I guess I'm kind of putting myself in that people pleasing headspace because I think we won't ever not be in that people pleasing headspace right, but at the same time I'm right there with you like I sleep better.
Speaker 2:There's little to zero things keeping me up at night, compared to three years ago.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, we were terrible Listening to that. I was like I could remember where I was and what I was dealing with, like listening to myself, and I was just like you, poor thing, you're so stressed about everything and everybody. But also I think I was having the time of my life, because I was just like saying yes to things that I didn't want to, but I was and I was doing it and then I was having a good time yeah, I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 2:There have been a couple of times where I absolutely did not want to do something, said yes and had the best time of my life absolutely.
Speaker 1:But I will say I don't feel like I break as many promises as I used to anymore, to myself at least yeah you that's big.
Speaker 2:No, um, yeah, I don't think I do. I feel like I'm learning to, like I said in the beginning, like be aware of when I'm in that kind of that crossroads, like say yes, put yourself aside, or draw a line. I'm being more aware of that and that helps me keep the balance of like, even if I do say yes, can I find a way to set aside some room for me, still Like yes, to set aside some room for me, still Like yes, yes, I want to do this. Or yes, I'll be there for you. Or yes, let's go. But also, I need to make sure you understand this is for me.
Speaker 1:Have you worked on your boundaries? I have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, drawing the boundaries isn't the problem. Sticking to them myself is, but yeah, I've gotten better about them.
Speaker 1:Have I? Probably not. Am I sitting here and thinking about myself? I do feel like, if I do break any promises to myself, being as if I drew this boundary and that was surpassed.
Speaker 1:What am I gonna do about it? Because I promised myself that I wasn't gonna let that happen. But then I have to realize I can't control people. I can't control what they do. So I've told myself, like you have to be realistic with the fact that that's just life. You can't control everything. You can't control other people, can literally only control yourself. The way that I tell myself that all the time now is like you can't control people, you can't control their actions. You can only control you and you can control your actions.
Speaker 1:You can control how you react yeah to whatever situation it is so like absolutely. I'm breaking promises constantly with myself, but I'm more realistic with it.
Speaker 2:That makes a lot of sense, you know. You bring a point to mind, like drawing the boundary and keeping that promise to ourselves. There's some times where, like I'll draw it and I'm like I've got to, I really got to keep this promise to ourselves. There's sometimes where, like I'll draw it and I'm like I've got to, I really got to keep this promise to myself, I've really got to stick to it. And so if someone's asking me to cross it, I'll say no Because I need to take care of myself in that way, right. But then I go and I'm like, is it OK, are we good? Like I'm overextending a little bit, kind of almost tiptoeing across that line making sure they're good. Even though I said no, like even though I said no, I still got this time to myself, like we're still good, right, like there's no problem.
Speaker 1:That's just me, and you, though, you know what I mean. Like it should be okay, like what did they say?
Speaker 2:No, it was. They say no as a sentence. That should just be that, yeah. But I think sometimes with social pressures back to that it's not always accepted right?
Speaker 1:no, it for sure isn't. Or like everybody thinks like you're mad at them. It's like I'm not mad at anybody, I'm just in a weird space, or I just not a weird space, but it's just like I, I just don't. I don't want to. Yeah, I don't want to right now, like I'm either tired or I'm not that talkative. I'm not in a talkative mood.
Speaker 1:I go through that a lot, where it's like it's not even like I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be there, but I can't make myself have a conversation, does that?
Speaker 2:make sense. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, because I feel that sometimes and I feel so bad for it.
Speaker 1:So do I. I feel terrible for it, but I'm like, would you rather me be there and just not have anything to say? And now you really think I'm mad at you. Now you really think like something's wrong when it's like I just want to sit here and not say anything, I just want to watch a show. I just want to watch love island. That's a bunch of nonsense. Those challenges are ridiculous I've never seen it have you?
Speaker 1:not, it's a lot. But then you just sit there and you're looking at it and you're like, why the hell am I watching this? But it's literally just something to put on. It's just trash TV, that's all it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I love it. I love to just push, play and watch like 10 episodes. These people have nothing to do with my life and I think that's why I like it. And that's all I want to do.
Speaker 1:I want to do something that isn't going to like have to do with my life yeah that sounds crazy and kind of sad, but and I don't feel like I'm in a bad place in my life right now. I really don't. I don't feel like I'm in a hole, I don't feel like I'm in a rut. I feel okay with my life and where I'm at and what I'm doing, how I'm going through it. I'm just like I don't. I don't want anything to damage that, because I just feel like I'm in a good place, which kind of sounds like I'm not in a good place no, I don't think so.
Speaker 1:I sound lonely and I'm not lonely. No.
Speaker 2:No, I don't know. I would think some people would argue that that's peace.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do take that as peace, I'm just okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:And in those times that we're like we show up somewhere but we don't want to talk or don't want to get into whatever's going on in our lives, it's not that we're not present, it's just that, like let's, I mean, we're just here, right?
Speaker 1:yeah, like I'm here. I'm here for you, I'm here for your problems or whatever it is you're going to. I'm here to listen to whatever you're going through, but, like as a friend, if I meet up with anybody or I do anything, it's just like I'm here for you, but I don't really have anything to talk about. I'm just a blade of grass in the world, blowing in the wind, I'm just listening and that's okay. That's it's cause. I just don't want anything to disrupt my peace, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so do you ever feel like it's a lot to be some like someone's emotional journal in that way?
Speaker 1:no, no, no, I think because of the person that I am, person that I've grown into. That's so easy for me. It's just who I am. That doesn't take any of my energy. That's not even a second thought in my head, to be honest. I guess maybe it used to be, but not anymore.
Speaker 2:You know, I feel like, the more I'm kind of in this isolation or this peace bubble or whatever you want to call it. I'm like that too. I kind of show up and I'm like I'm just here to listen, I'm here to support. I kind of play that role a lot lately. Yeah, like I mean, I'm just here to listen, I'm here to support. I kind of play that role a lot lately. Yeah, um, but in the times that I do have a lot to say or am passionate about a lot of things or whatever, I really want to show up in that way.
Speaker 2:But sometimes it's kind of like this push and pull, because sometimes there are experiences where I feel like I'm that emotional journal for someone and it's like, oh okay, I okay, I got to cut them. Well, that's okay, I'll put myself aside for that. I know that I'll have another opportunity to speak about whatever. But then at the same time I'm not looking at it like that. I'm looking at it like okay, where are they at? They're excited about these things, they're not really prying into me.
Speaker 1:So let's just keep it there, right? So I'm like always kind of gauging. I feel like I've done that to you a lot?
Speaker 2:no, not at all, see. I see I don't feel that with you at all.
Speaker 1:We have this good balance of like you come to me, I come to you yeah, sharing that, yeah, true I guess. I guess I just feel like I do, I do come to you a lot and then after, like, I've just like spilled my guts, I'm like, but how are you? Enough about me, what about you? Yeah?
Speaker 2:no, I feel like that too, so I'll kind of ask questions like more directed towards you, when I feel like I'm oversharing or kind of taking all the air in the room I feel like for me and you it could never be that maybe in other relationships, but for me and you it could never be that, it could never be.
Speaker 1:Like seeing it that way, I don't necessarily go into anything to anybody like in my life and be like that's not reciprocated. Do you feel like that's a problem for?
Speaker 2:you um?
Speaker 2:I think it has been sometimes, but like an expectation for somebody like you expected somebody to give you the same thing that they gave you I don't necessarily expect it, I guess I just hope for it, right, I think in like maybe not expected, but trust that it's there, that like it's gonna be there yeah, I think that goes back to what I've been telling myself that you can't control people, and I think that's a big thing that I've learned in the three years of the in between whatever I give doesn't necessarily have to be matched, because I don't always match what I'm given.
Speaker 1:I can realize that enough to myself, that I don't always give what I'm given, and that's not good, it's not a good thing, but also that's kind of life. That's kind of how life goes. I can't control you, you can't control me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I've kind of been holding on to that a little bit more lately too, especially in the times where I'm like you know, like I said, I drew that line, but I'm still checking on the other person's emotions. I can't control them, like, however they feel about it, they're going to feel about it. What's already been said and done, I can't change it. It's kind of a slippery slope sometimes because it can feel like keeping score, like I did this and only got this, or they did this and I can't meet them in the same way, and it kind of feels like I'm up, I'm down, they're up, they're down.
Speaker 1:I feel like a lot of it is just like for me and you. It seems it's just like we just don't do anything with an expectation, or like I don't need that validation. I don't need you to tell me I was there for you, Right? Do you know what I mean? I don't need it. It's like I know I was. You can either take that and maybe pay it forward one day, or you just take it and it's okay.
Speaker 1:I don't keep count. That's the thing I don't keep score. I don't keep score for anything. I'll rephrase that I don't keep score for most things. Sometimes I do keep score. That's not a good quality that I have. I will say that it's not a good quality for the things that I do keep score. That's not a good quality that I have. I will say that it's not a good quality for the things that I do keep score on. And it's not really like okay, like point for you. Now I need to get my lick back. It's just like ah, I saw what you did and you've got three ports on the board and I don't play that way. I'm not keeping score to be petty and get my leg back. I'm keeping score to see like why the hell did you do me that way? You know what I mean. Yeah, I can't forget that. I can't forget how you did me. But other than that, I don't keep score on what I do for people. I don't keep score for praise right.
Speaker 2:you know I think that uh a is kind of like that line that's between doing something out of people pleasing and then doing something out of love. And you know, I'll be honest, I do at times keep score, not like with everything, but there are certain times where it does feel like an evident thing, like the scoreboard is right there and I think Donovan three years ago would have very much been on that resentful scorekeeping. But the way I look at it now, I literally did this the other day in my head. I literally was thinking about scorekeeping but in a way that was checking myself like have I done as much? Have I been fair?
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, yeah, I see what you're saying.
Speaker 2:I think that's the shift now is looking at it that way. It's like am I holding my own weight? Recently my mom had surgery, mm-hmm, and I mean I kind of just knew, right, like she's going to be home, she's not going to be able to be on her feet like normal, she's literally going to be off her feet for a while, right, Recovering. And so I thought my dad's going to need help around the house, like things are going to need to still be done. And so I kind of looked at it like how would I want to be taken care of if I were in that situation?
Speaker 2:I wasn't thinking about people pleasing at all, I wasn't like trying to be the best son I could be, I was just like thinking about it. If I was in that position, what would I need, what would I be worried about, what would I need to take care of, or whatever you know. And so I did my best to show up for her in that way and she made a comment. She was like I wish you were living here still, like whenever I was hoping her out, and it made me feel good I'm not going to lie Like it gave me some validation, right, like that's just human nature.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, you're going to take it. You're going to take any praise that you get, especially when it's coming from like your parent. You're going to take it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I didn't look at it like that was what I was doing it for. It was just like out of love.
Speaker 1:I think you do a lot of things out of love.
Speaker 2:I try to.
Speaker 1:I think I also do, but I think the things that I think are like I just I didn't do this for any other reason besides love Sometimes they're taken as still not enough. I constantly feel like I'm not enough, which is that sounds bad.
Speaker 1:A lot of the things that I'm saying sound bad, and I don't mean them to sound bad, they're just reality I was gonna say they don't sound bad, they sound real, yeah it's because, like, I'm not trying to shade anybody, no, in anything, like nobody in my life, because, like I don't want any of my family, friends or anybody to like listen to this and then think like it's me she's talking about, because I'm not talking about anybody specific. It's just this is how I feel. Yeah, I constantly feel like sometimes how I show things out of love aren't reciprocated. It's just like, well, you didn't do this and you didn't do this, but I'm like, but I did this. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it makes a lot of sense actually, because I know you feel like you're kind of saying it in a way that maybe would make someone feel isolated or have a finger pointed at them, but I feel those things too.
Speaker 2:I think that's the importance of like learning how to love someone and then understanding how they love their love languages yeah and I I think that's not just in relationships, I think that's with your people, right, your tribe, like whether that's your family, your close friends, like I know what your actions of love look like and you know what mine look like, and I think we understand to look for them, not necessarily to expect them in a certain way, how to recognize them, not have expectations for them, but how to recognize them. And I think what you're look, how you're looking at it, is that these people have expectations of it, but it's recognizing your love rather than thinking it should look a certain way.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So yeah, those are real feelings. You shouldn't feel like those sound bad.
Speaker 1:I think that's why, like doing this, when I listened to it back, I was like I'm not that same person anymore. I do a lot of things differently and move differently now. And I literally wrote like I'm not that much of a people pleaser anymore, but I still am. It's just in a different way and I think I do hold more weight for myself in it. But at the end of the day, I'm always going to be a people pleaser.
Speaker 2:I think it's ingrained in us I think so.
Speaker 1:I think there's no other way that we could be. That's what I'm saying. Like it's crazy to me to sit here and think that like somebody would actually like just not think about their actions to other people. Like that's I'm like what do you mean? What do you mean? You didn't think about that? Because I do, I do. I do think about like a lot. I do think about a lot about like what my friends are going through, what my family's going through, like whatever. Literally, it could be nothing, it could be a big thing, and I'm still thinking about it. But what can I do about it? I can empathize. I'm a big empathizer.
Speaker 2:I think the empathizing, empathizing I think the empathy, empathy. Is what got us three years ago. Yeah, but now we're looking at it and we were very much asking what can I do? Like what role can I play, quite literally, how can I fix this? And now we're looking at it as like what can I do? Like I have no control over this.
Speaker 1:That's a big one that I'm living my life around right now. I can't control people, they can't control me. This is life. I can't control people, they can't control me. This is life.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You just got to roll with the punches with it. You got to figure out whether you're going to allow it or you're not. And I'm not anybody to tell anybody what they can and can't allow in their life, because I have allowed plenty that other people wouldn't and they've allowed plenty that I wouldn't. So it's like who am I? Who am I to tell you? That's why I'm like a big sounding board to like anybody. Let me be your journal, let me be whoever and I'll take it.
Speaker 1:But I'm never going to be mad at anybody for the choices that they make. I might be hurt or it might not be anything to do with me, so I might not feel anything towards the choices you're making, but I'll always be there for that person. Right, wrong, purple, blue don't matter, and that's the people pleaser in me. But at the same time, it's like there's a line I think me and you did build a line where it's like I can't let this affect me anymore. I can't lose sleep, I can't stop eating. I should stop eating because I need to stop gaining weight, but but not because of somebody's actions right, yeah you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like I can't, I can't keep doing that, so and I don't do that to myself anymore. That was a big thing in the past episode, where it was like I was stressing out, I was getting shingles. I heard that on the last podcast.
Speaker 1:Oh, my god, I really told people that I was doing all kinds of crap. I wasn't eating, wasn't? I was just wrecking my nervous system. And now I'm like, yeah, I guess it's just, I'm in my little peace bubble and I'm trying really hard not to pop it. It's like one of those ones you remember in like what was it Like early 2000s where it was like an unpoppable bubble.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:They would just stick on everything.
Speaker 2:That's what kind of bubble I'm trying to have. Yeah, and it can very much feel like we're closed off. We're not closed off, we're just kind of over here yeah, still here.
Speaker 1:I'm still the same person that I was, still fun. I'm still loud, I still say things I shouldn't say, but I'm still that person I am. It's just I'm. I'm in a different font.
Speaker 2:I like that.
Speaker 2:I like that a lot same person, different font we were you had mentioned like I'm not even sure if you mentioned it. I thought we had touched on something like this. But like telling someone what they want to hear versus the hard truth, I've been thinking about that a lot lately and I feel like sometimes people only hear certain things and so I know how people pleasing and whatnot it can be to tell someone what they want to hear versus the hard truth. But I look at that as understanding someone, understanding what message they will hear and which one they won't.
Speaker 1:That's because being you, we just see people, rather than like or not. Just being you maybe people pleasers in general. Like we see people in a different light. We see people as like a person. Like that's a person. That person has feelings, that person has thoughts and emotions and all kinds of stuff. And then there's other people who aren't people. I don't know what those people are called.
Speaker 2:Are they?
Speaker 1:regular? Are we wrong? Like, are you not regular? So you're selfish? Which one are you, whatever they're called Like? We see people at their level to be like okay, I know what you want to hear. I don't like hurting people's feelings. To be honest, I'm like if you came to me, you probably knew you weren't going to get the tough love kind of thing. If you came to me, or I'm going to tell you what you don't want to hear and then I'm also going to tell you what you do want to hear. You're going to take what you want from that. And it's not that I don't love you enough to give you the hard truth and tell you what's going to hurt you, but it's like I don't want to hurt anybody. So I guess that's the biggest thing. Like I, I'll tell you both yeah, I mean you.
Speaker 2:You can still get your message across without being mean, but some people don't take it that way. Right.
Speaker 1:You could say the sky is blue, and if that person believes that the sky is purple, you've offended them. So I'll give you what you want to hear. I'll give you the. It could be purple on certain days, but for mostly it's blue. And that's what I'm going to tell you and and you're gonna take that and take it how you will take it as you want. I'm not. I was gonna say I'm not lying, but I am lying is it lying I?
Speaker 1:think it's a white lie. Might not be a bad lie, might not be. Might not be a malicious lie, but it's a lie. But I'm just telling you what you want to hear yeah because I'm going to be that friend for you.
Speaker 1:Because sometimes you don't want to go to the friend who's going to tell you like fuck him, leave him and I'm not going to talk to you. If you talk to him again, you don't want to tell that person. You don't want to go to that person and say, like this happened to me again, because that person's going to be like okay, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to change? And then you feel dumb. You feel dumb because that's not how life works and that's not how feelings work. And if you take that person back, that's your life, that's not mine, that's your life. That's not mine. That's not for me to tell you anything.
Speaker 2:I'm over here trying to think of like how I would tell someone the sky is purple and not blue, or blue and not purple. I think I would try to hold space for everyone. Like we said, we see people and people just want to be. When they're at their most vulnerable, they just want to be accepted and know. At their most vulnerable they just want to be accepted and know that they have space to just be. And if that means we tell someone a little white lie sometimes, at least they felt, at least they left here feeling like they seen, they took, validated, yeah like they, they feel it, you know it's like okay, at least I'm not alone in the world.
Speaker 1:Somebody sees it.
Speaker 2:I'm not trying to teach someone or validate someone in being delusional. That I'm not trying to do.
Speaker 1:No, I can be straight up. I'll never put my friends in an unhealthy, unsafe position in their lives.
Speaker 2:What about your people-pleasing?
Speaker 1:journey has made you feel the proudest being there for myself, mm-hmm, being there for myself, like realizing that day that maybe we had abandoned ourselves from. I think that point into who I've become now. It's just like I'm proud of being there for myself. I'm proud of, on the hard days when it feels like I don't have anywhere to go, that I'm still there for myself, which I can always go to you. And I have constantly. And you've told me, you know, like, have you tried journaling, tried manifesting, sitting with something, trying something positive? You know, and all of those things help, completely, 100%, all of those things help. But after hearing you say those things and then like putting those things into practice on the hard days, that's what I'm proud of. I'm proud of being there for myself and saying no to the things that were gonna hurt me in the long run, whatever it was, whatever I said no to, whatever I was like not really for me, don't want to, rather stay in bed. Um, I'm proud of myself for that you.
Speaker 2:I'm proud of you for that too. Um, you know, I feel the same. I feel like we realize that, right, we realize that we abandon ourselves, but I think we just said we were going to sit with it, like we were just going to let it hit and we didn't really have a plan moving forward, like we didn't say anything about having a plan. And I think there's an importance in like, I mean, you can, you want to change something, but like, how you're going to change it is a part of a piece of the puzzle, right, but we didn't have that.
Speaker 2:And I, after that, like, as someone who you know says, those things, that's like journaling helps, sitting with yourself, talking to yourself, whatever, whatever, all of those things help, but sometimes just setting it down is just as good, and probably three years ago donovan would have never entertained that idea. But I see the benefit in that now that just like, like you said, just sitting there watching a show I don't want to talk about it right now and I've I've allowed myself to do that, to set things down, and that I'm really proud of, because that has helped alleviate a lot of the pressure I put on myself and allowed me to like recognize. Like we said, I'm always going to be this people pleasing person, but I'm not going to let that run the show.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to let it affect me like it did three years ago where I didn't or I didn't feel like I could move yeah, couldn't move, can't breathe, can't, I, can't, I don't know what to do I didn't know what to do. Then I don't know what, what it was that told me like you have to keep everybody happy or the world's gonna end maybe now that's why we're isolating, is because we're like we're finally tired of it yeah, we finally I'm just like all right, feel how you want to feel, be who you want to be.
Speaker 1:I know who I am at the end of the day. Like if people feel some type of way about the fact that I've isolated, I hate that. But at the same time I didn't completely just ghost people like I'll still answer. I'll still answer the text messages, I'll still answer the phone call. I'm just not present all the time anymore and I'm like I hope you know that and I hope you don't feel some type of way about me not physically being there. But I'm still the same person and I'm still going to be there for you yeah, I've still got a yes reserved for you yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:I just look a little different. I'm a homeowner, I'm in a relationship and I've got to prioritize me and mine over everybody else because, at the end of the day, as much as as I love my friends, they're not the ones who are laying down next to me. Right? You have to prioritize yourself. That doesn't make you a bad people, pleaser.
Speaker 2:No, you can tell people, please, and please yourself.
Speaker 1:Right. You can either understand it or you can't, and that's okay if you can't, like I said, it doesn't. I don't hold any like feelings towards that, ill feelings towards that or anything. I don't. I'm still here. I'm still going to say yes To some things not all the things, but I'm still here.
Speaker 2:And that's a beautiful start.
Speaker 1:Start to something. It's somewhere. It took three years to get there. I could not believe it when I sat there and like scrolled down to like find the the episode and I saw when it was, I was like holy shit, it's really been that long I think it was.
Speaker 2:Was it August?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because we started it. Happy fall y'all.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It was still hot that day, though I think it was like it was somewhere in August.
Speaker 2:That's crazy and we didn't even plan that, Like it just happened.
Speaker 1:Right, no, it was in November. No, november, november, what the hell. September. September okay close, close yeah it was in September, so that's why we said happy fall y'all. It was still hot.
Speaker 2:I remember that and it probably took me a little bit before I released it, so it was probably weeks before that probably actually you know what, maybe I think we did record it three weeks before. Because then there was some time in between and then we took those pictures.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what label do people slap on you? They say you're strong, you're reliable, you're nice, whatever. But it actually feels like pressure.
Speaker 1:Probably I'm a bitch. Why People really do think that I'm mean when they meet me? I think people really do. Probably because if I go into anything new I'm very nervous, so I'm not not. Once you get to know me, my person comes out, my personality I'm talkative, I'm loud, I I like to think I'm funny, but sometimes I'm probably not. Um, you are thank you, but yeah, I've. I've had that comment a lot that like people do label me as like mean or like mean girl bitchy kind of person.
Speaker 2:That's crazy to me, because I've always told you like you're willing to talk to anybody.
Speaker 1:And I do, and I really do. My mom said that the other day because some lady told me like this whole story at sam's about. I want to say she was talking about pecans, I don't like. We passed by him and she told me this whole story about, like her making a pie with it or something. I don't think it was pecans. It wasn't pecans, it was something else. I can't remember what. It was raisins. It was raisins. She was like why are they so expensive? And I was like crazy, right, kept walking.
Speaker 1:No, this lady stopped me and she was like telling me this whole story about, like, did you know you can make a pie out of these, like, and I was like no, I didn't. And she went into this whole spiel about making a pie and she didn't tell her kids and they were just ate it up. And they were like, oh, they thought it was cherries or something. And she was like that it was raisins. It was raisins all along. And I was like crazy.
Speaker 1:And then I was like wow, and then my mom was like what? Because that was like the second time that somebody just like told me a story. And my mom was like why, why do you do this and I was like I don't know, I shouldn't have made that comment in the first place. I should have just been like I walked away, but I didn't. I had to be like I know right, because I had to validate that lady's feelings and be like what the raisins? And so I validated her feelings and there I was listening to a story about making a pie. Who knew, did I also didn't know you can make a pie for raisins.
Speaker 2:It sounds terrible. I was going to say I want to try it.
Speaker 1:It's giving raisin bran, but probably that That'll be the label that I hear all the time.
Speaker 2:That's crazy. You know, from the moment we met to now, I never got that.
Speaker 1:I want to say like I couldn't see it, but I can. I can because I'm not talkative whenever I'm nervous in a new situation, like when I'm put into stuff, but I guess, like it's easy for me to talk to people that I know I'm probably never going to see again.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:I'm never going to see that lady again, and if I do see her, I'm never going to recognize her. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to that man. I don't know who that man is.
Speaker 2:That makes sense. I have so many actually, but that I don't necessarily like to take on, I guess. Okay. So people tell me, or call me whatever disciplined or motivated, right, but sometimes that's just my or that's me being driven to or motivated, right, but sometimes that's just my or that's me being driven to, be accepted right, like if they think I'm disciplined or motivated because I'm working out every day, like and like, sometimes, whenever I need a rest day.
Speaker 1:I'm like.
Speaker 2:No people like don't respond to rest days, people respond to abs, so get going.
Speaker 1:My brother has abs now. It's actually insane the amount of dedication. It's actually insane of like the amount of dedication that you needed to have abs, that he needs to have abs. It's wild to me that y'all would put yourself through that. I would resonate with the rest day more than you think. I think a lot more people would also I do more than people would think too.
Speaker 2:I think I love a rest day. I love a good cheat day me too, as I'm like more in my own bubble.
Speaker 1:I'm like I will take this rest day and I will enjoy it, yeah I can see that though but it's because you, you, you did present yourself yeah, that's fair very dedicated because you were, but that's just where you were in your life at the time, at the time, yeah yeah, like that's what it was, but also me and you had that conversation where I was like it was easy. Then it was easy to work out together. Yeah, because it was just us hanging out yeah, it was like 20, 30 minutes of like death.
Speaker 1:But even when we were doing it, like we were laughing and we were laughing through the workout and we were I was usually dying, which would make sense, that I was like I hate this and I was saying off the wall shit which would make you laugh and it was what it was. You know, but at the end of the day, like I was the healthiest I had ever been in that moment and, yeah, we were. We were dedicated. I was not as dedicated as you were no, you know what I was gonna say.
Speaker 2:I think what looked like dedication came easy because of, like the bubble that we were both in and like I mean, that was only a part of our day. That working out part was only a part of our day. After that we'd go eat, we'd go out, we'd do this, we'd do that and we'd have fun. And it was like we felt good because we worked out. So it was like okay, let's do that again the next day, yeah, and it was just like we're just having fun yeah, we were just having fun, we were just hanging out, we were just having a good time.
Speaker 1:That was just something that we were doing in the moment. So like, if you go and you hang out with your friend, you go watch a movie, right, that's what we were doing.
Speaker 1:We were just working out yeah instead of playing a video game or watching that movie or watching that show, we were working out and that was that time slot to hang out, and then, after we were watching movies, we were eating, we were doing all those things. But also that changed and it didn't change in a bad way, but like that changed because of where we went in our lives yeah we just had to prioritize different people, and that sucks. It doesn't suck. It's just where life went.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and life is always gonna go that way yeah you're always gonna have different people to prioritize in your life, and that doesn't make me. I'm actually.
Speaker 2:I'm not mad at you, I'm happy for you no yeah, I'm happy that you have someone to share your life with, but I'm also very grateful for the time that we did have yeah that's where we were me too, and you know, I think I'm like I, I think there was a little bit or a little part of me that grieved at that time, as I noticed it was like changing, or like it was not as easy to do those things right, um, and our priorities were in different places. But I don't, I mean, I don't hold anything but love for that time in our lives and like, I think it's just allowed our relationship to flourish in different ways than before. And I think sometimes what, like why people think I'm so disciplined, is because, like, I still work out every day or whatever.
Speaker 1:I'm just chasing that feeling, like I'm just trying to like I'm just trying to like, have that, like, that like good time again I don't blame you same, but I can't get a routine in because I would never expect you to wait until I get out of work at like 7 30 no, no, yeah, I get you to work out. We could we've done it before we've been at workout, like when we were doing it.
Speaker 2:Then we were working out towards the later night yeah, like even later than that, like it was dark outside yeah everybody's outside lights were on.
Speaker 1:We're there blasting music, dropping weights, literally literally, and then we'd like run to whatever was open to get a get something to eat wendy's, usually, because wendy's was open late um, but yeah that's. I mean that's for me like that's your one, or like well, I know you said you had a lot but like is that like your main one?
Speaker 2:not the main one, but it does put a lot of pressure on me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love working out, I love the feeling, but sometimes that pressure gets to me and I'm like I don't want, want to do this. I feel like I have to do this now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but another one is like. So like in my family I guess not necessarily my family, but sometimes people make me like the go to, like if they have a question, like I'm the one that should have the answer, or if if we're going somewhere, I'm the one that should have the plan, and so they look at me as I don't know what that label is.
Speaker 1:But oh, I know what like the reliable one. Yeah, and then I've made sure I don't become the reliable one, because that is a lot of pressure.
Speaker 2:It is, and then it's like. Then I feel like I'm not just trying to give an answer, I'm not just trying to have a plan, I'm trying to manage expectations.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, you don't want to be wrong, you don't want to be blamed for anything. It's like they're going to you and they're like why is the sky blue when it should be purple?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And you're like you know what it is, you know what. No, I get that completely, I have. I really have, um, I think growing up when we started like friend groups, like friend um friend vacations, that we started going on yeah and like managing hotels and all that.
Speaker 1:Once I saw the pressure of that I was like, oh, I never want to be that person and I've made myself unreliable to that. That I will ghost like if everybody's like, what are we doing and where are we staying, I'm not saying shit, I don't want any responsibility, I don't want anything to backfire. I don't want anything to be like you picked this, because sometimes I have picked some things and I'm like it's backfired on me. I'm like I didn't do enough research on where the hell I was gonna stay. You know what I mean? I just picked a place and said, yep, that's good, because I didn't want it. I didn't want it and I didn't want the responsibility of it. And now look at where I am at a roach motel.
Speaker 2:Just kidding, but I have, I have done that I think that's like a rite of passage, just like going with a group of people and being the one that picked the bad place. Yeah, that's, everybody's got to go through that right yeah, yeah. And then just one last one, like, uh, people sometimes give me the label of being like the inspirational one. Uh, sometimes I just don't have it. Sometimes it's not in there, sometimes there's like empty space between my ears, like I do not have it.
Speaker 1:You're like oh, you want some nice words and I can't give it to you. Yeah, yeah, I don't blame you. I see where you did that to yourself.
Speaker 2:I do People give me these labels, but what I'm finding out is I do it to myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I never once gave my label of being a bitch. I never gave myself that. I've heard that so many times though that's like the go-to for everybody. But yeah, I don't. Everybody's thing is that I think after you get to know me, I have a different label. I'll have a different label of being like, yeah, the reliable one to go to. When you got a call'm gonna answer yep, doesn't matter what time, and if I do miss it, I'm gonna text you back. I'm gonna.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna do whatever absolutely that label will definitely turn once. You get to know me, I'm not always the loudest, but I am loud. Those are the ones that I probably make for myself, but I don't feel any pressure on what I've made for myself, except for that people-pleasing one. That one. I'll feel pressure, but that's who I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I get that.
Speaker 1:It's like I contradict myself because I'll sit here and say it's not even a second thought for me to be there for somebody. I get that. It's like I contradict myself because I'll sit here and say like it's not even a second thought for me to be like there for somebody, mm-hmm. But at the same time it's a lot of pressure to be that person, mm-hmm. But I don't mind that pressure. You can handle that pressure, because you know what's made from pressure. Diamonds Period.
Speaker 2:That was perfect. All right, sister. That's a wrap on part two. If this one stirred something up for you, whether it made you laugh or nod or cringe or feel called out in the best way, I'd love to hear about it. Message me or tag me or share it with a friend who knows exactly what you're talking about. Let me know your favorite part, the moment that hit home, or even the one that made you uncomfortable, because that counts too. And if you're feeling generous, leave a review. It helps more than you know and it lets people find the show right when they need it most. Thank you for being here. Really. Until the next one, be careful.