I Can't Sit Still.. And Maybe That's A Problem

In high school, I packed my days to the brim, thriving on the rush of being booked and busy. But looking back, I realize it wasn’t just about productivity—it was about avoiding stillness. Because when things got quiet, I had to sit with myself… and I didn’t know how to do that. In this episode, I dive into the addiction to stress, the fear of stillness, and the ways we keep ourselves distracted without even realizing it. Music by DayFox on Pixabay

Chapters

• 0:00 Embracing Stillness and Self-Reflection
• 20:26 Finding Peace Amidst Chaos

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I know sometimes keeping a full roster during single times or jumping into a relationship the second you step out of one can keep the excitement alive. But what feels so right about giving so much time and energy to someone else rather than granting those things to yourself? What's up, friend? Welcome back to donations. It's your host, donovan, and spring is peaking from behind the curtain and that just makes me so happy. I do not care what that little groundhog had to say about six more weeks of nonsense, because last week we were in the high 80s, like even into the 90s. So you best believe I've been soaking up every bit of warmth that we've been getting and it just makes me so excited. I can't wait till that is the norm again. But thank you for joining me today.

Speaker 1: 1:32

I'm sitting here with my nice decaf iced coffee. Ah, that's like the best sound in the world. And please don't kill me because I said decaf. I already had a C4 this morning before a workout and even though I can handle my caffeine, it doesn't mean that I should. I'm trying to be an adult.

Speaker 1: 2:01

I've been dreaming about being back in school a lot lately and it's crazy. I don't know if that means I'm maybe playing too much Hogwarts Legacy, or if I've become a student in life again and there's something that I need to pay attention to and learn. But either way, these dreams have been so vivid and it takes a little bit of time to shake them off when I wake up and the majority of them have placed me back in my high school setting. And in high school I remember intentionally signing myself up for as much as I possibly could. I stretched myself thin on purpose, packing my schedule to the brim. I became obsessed with this idea of having a full resume after walking that stage at graduation and feeling like that would be a sure way to set myself up for success. So I had a full schedule every day throughout my high school time and I loved it. I loved the feeling of telling people oh, I can't today, I've got so much going on, can't today, I've got so much going on. I even had this friend who I had a little inside joke with about me having to go to work instead of just being done with the school day and she would ask me when's your next day off? She would kind of play into the joke and I know it sounds trivial, but having a full schedule being so busy. It made me feel important and valuable. And, yeah, maybe it was a little dramatic, but I enjoyed feeling booked and busy and those extracurriculars and clubs that kept me so busy were enjoyable to me Genuinely. They were. That kept me so busy were enjoyable to me Genuinely. They were. I mean, I still had the sense to only join things I knew I would enjoy most of the time and they gave me valuable experience and I made some of the best memories. But looking back on it now I realize that above everything, it was the performance of being busy that kept me going.

Speaker 1: 4:32

I was addicted to the stress and to the drama and to the rush of it all and on the rare day off, I'd announce it like it was a holiday day off. I'd announce it like it was a holiday. I'd tell everyone how grateful I was for some breathing room. But the truth is, those days felt off. They felt really boring and uneventful, and now I realize why. I didn't know how to sit with myself.

Speaker 1: 5:09

I think even now, as an adult, there are times when I'm able to have some downtime, some time to rot on the couch, and probably the first thing I do once I get comfortable is run through a list in my head making sure all I wanted to get done, all I needed to get done, is done, and I run through a list making sure I didn't miss anything. And it's not long that my mind turns to oh, now that I've got that one thing done and out of the way and made space, I can finally start on this. And there I'll go making a vision board or gathering Pinterest pins together for my next big project or plans, and then I get so excited that I can't imagine continuing to rock anymore. I immediately feel like I need to spring into action, like I need to get up and do something. Yeah, there are times where I really can sink into rest and relaxation, with the help of things like my Nello Super Calm drink after an intentional all-out workout, or just the gentle reminder that I am in fact, allowed downtime. I'm allowed to rest, but of course, that doesn't happen all the time. And of course I've looked deeper into this and I've realized and learned that feeling like you're unable to rest and feeling constantly like you need to be busy, even when there's no pressing need, could be a sign of anxiety. I mean obviously right, but it also could be a sign of perfectionism or a need for validation.

Speaker 1: 7:05

And there's this memory I have from when I was growing up I was still in elementary school, again dealing with the topic of school and it was somewhere between the ages of six to eight that every morning I had reluctantly get out of bed to get ready, probably moving a lot slower than I thought I was, and my dad, who would be the one to take us to school, would race down the hallway from my parents' bedroom dressed in his uniform, ready to grab his breakfast and go be out the door, and he would lean into my brother and I's bedroom and ask you ready? And I'd say no, you ready? And I'd say no, and he'd respond with well, let's go with this urgency. That I could just never make sense of, because in my mind it was like I haven't even washed my face or brushed my teeth or put my shoes on yet and you're telling me you're walking out the door right now. You're telling me let's go right now.

Speaker 1: 8:14

And I've seen a couple of videos online about how our parents used to rush us when we were younger and how much that anxiety and that need to be on time shows up in our adult lives, and it's very validating, and I still laugh about my experience to this day and it's genuinely a memory I hold near and dear to my heart, because I have become my father and I am constantly rushing to be on time somewhere, if not early, and there's usually something or someone I'm having to wait on. And sometimes it frustrates the heck out of the part of me that is eager to get to doing things, the part of me that thrives on being busy, and I'm starting to see that, intentionally, keeping my schedule full in the ways that I kind of always have is really no better than an addiction to food or alcohol or scrolling on social media and I know that sounds dramatic because, yeah, keeping a full schedule versus unhealthy addiction, I mean, come on. But when you look at those things as the gateway to avoiding dealing with hurts and heartaches and trauma and things from who knows how long ago that are bubbling up to the surface, then yeah, they feel like one in the same. I know there are a ton of things that contribute to this addiction to stress that we can't control, like emails coming in during and not during work hours, reminding us of deadlines, and every company business on our phones and TVs trying to grab our attention at every turn and tell us that we need to spend our money on this and that, and the influencers showing off their bodies or possessions or experiences, making us feel like we're not doing as much as they are that make up the majority of the videos that pop up when we're scrolling. But what we can control is how much we feed into it. I think a good start is to not adopt the mindset that we'll be more fulfilled with a fuller schedule or with how busy we are, like my younger self was so convinced of, or with how busy we are like my younger self was so convinced of.

Speaker 1: 10:56

I really did create this identity around being the busy one, the one who could handle it all, and when life slowed down, when there was nothing to worry about or nothing to take care of, nothing on the list to check off, I didn't see that as peace. I didn't see it as time to rest. I saw it as emptiness. I wasn't comfortable with stillness and, honestly, kind of sucks, to admit, but I wasn't comfortable with being with myself, and that kept me negligent of all the things growing up can teach us, because when it was peaceful and quiet, I had to deal with all these emotions coming at me at once, all these unfamiliar feelings and I know in our adolescence we aren't always worried about what we're feeling versus worried about going out and being with friends and simply not being bored. But if I had learned how to sit with myself in peace and quiet and if I had gotten comfortable with it, it might have been a more accessible practice for me and it might have been easier to address and process certain emotions when I was in my mid to late 20s or when I was entering my 30s, wondering what the hell is going on and how did I get here? I mean, not all of it was that bad, but think of all that we can learn when we recognize what peace and quiet can do for us, above the stress and drama that we get addicted to, no matter what age we are.

Speaker 1: 13:21

I'm sure everyone, or at least those that are familiar with intentionally staying busy, have their reasons as to why that is a constant need. But I wonder if all of those reasons somehow drill down to avoiding uncomfortable feelings or running from something. I know the stress of busyness or urgency can keep us moving and striving and doing in a In a way that makes us feel alive. But when is enough enough? When will it feel like you've reached or attained what you're striving for? And when you get there, will you be satisfied and sit with yourself in that achievement and validate yourself, or will you again strive for more? Sit with that for a second, really think about it. When will it be enough?

Speaker 1: 14:29

I know sometimes keeping a full roster during single times or jumping into a relationship the second you step out of one can keep the excitement alive. But what feels so right about giving so much time and energy to someone else rather than granting those things to yourself? Is the idea of healing and growing and loving in solitude just something you've never had intentions for? Or is it the parts of yourself that you'll face in solitude that scares you? I'm not going to lie. I did that when I was younger, jumped from relationship to relationship, thinking. The more texting with someone that I did, the more purpose I served. But I've learned to love solitude and how much it pulls back the curtain on what we should and shouldn't accept in a relationship. And two, how much of a role we play in creating an environment where the things we shouldn't accept are sometimes encouraged by our own actions. I know the amount of knowledge and entertainment we have access to can be so captivating, but do we have the audiobook or podcast in our ears for the majority of the day because we want to feel productive, or is it to drown out thoughts we don't want to think about?

Speaker 1: 16:24

Being busy isn't the same as being fulfilled and, trust me, that's a hard lesson to learn. Stress and busyness aren't just habits. They really do trigger a psychological response and our bodies can get used to that. When we're constantly moving and constantly checking things off our list and constantly distracted from our own selves, our brain rewards us with dopamine, the same feel-good chemical that's released when we get a like on social media or when we win a game or when we eat sugar. Busyness gives us a sense of accomplishment, even if what we're doing isn't actually fulfilling. It keeps us in motion and, like I said, it keeps us distracted and it keeps us from sitting in. Like I said, it keeps us distracted and it keeps us from sitting in the discomfort of stillness. It really does keep us from facing ourselves. It becomes normal. The adrenaline, the cortisol spikes from all the busyness. It can make relaxation feel foreign and even make it feel wrong. That's why sitting still feels uncomfortable. It's not because something is wrong with you. It's because your body has adapted to chaos. Your body has adapted to chaos, but, just like it adapted to stress, it can relearn how to feel safe and at ease In peace.

Speaker 1: 18:07

Have you ever noticed how, sometimes, when you finally get a chance to rest, instead of feeling calm, you feel restless? Instead of feeling calm, you feel restless. Maybe you pick up your phone, start scrolling or immediately think of something else to do. That's because your brain has learned to thrive on doing instead of being. But that constant high really does come at a cost. Over time, that stress accumulates, it wears us down and the biggest danger we can lose touch with what it even means to be at peace and we start mistaking chaos for purpose. We start believing that if we're not busy, we're falling behind or worse, that we're not enough just as we are. And so I challenge you just once this week sit in stillness, no phone, no distractions, no immediate task, just you and see what comes up and, instead of running from it, stay with it. Whatever it is, don't judge it, just sit with it. I promise you peace isn't boring and it's not empty. It's a gift. It's the space where you can recharge and reconnect and learn to love your own company, and that's where real fulfillment starts Not in the chaos, but in the calm.

Speaker 1: 20:26

If you're someone who's been addicted to stress, like I have, or who's found comfort in chaos and discomfort in stillness, I hope this reflection really gives you something to think about. I hope this reflection really gives you something to think about. You deserve peace. You deserve to feel at home in your own skin, even when the world around you is quiet, as always. Thank you for joining me today and thank you for sharing your day with me Over on Donations Plus is an extension of this episode, where I dive into all the practices that I look to when I find myself driven by stress and avoidance and am in need of peace and quiet. So be sure to check that list out. It will be exclusively on Apple Podcasts, and don't forget to check the description of this episode to support the show and text me your thoughts. Until the next one, be careful.