Don-ations
Ever since I was a kid, I've always been called the sensitive one because of my inability to hide any emotion. Fast forward to my adult years and I'm no longer trying to hide what I'm feeling, I'm wearing my emotions like a badge of honor and using them as tools to help me navigate this crazy and chaotic yet beautiful life. This podcast is simple, I'm going to share simple stories that have taught me some great lessons. I'll share tips that I'm implementing to become the best version of myself. I'll share with you what's helped me navigate dating, relationships, family and friendship dynamics, love, and self discovery. And I'll dive into the human experience, whether just me or with guests, and hopefully shed some light, for you and me, on what the meaning of life just might be. I'm not trying to make it look like I have all the answers, I'm just trying to make it known I'm on this amazing ride too, right there by your side.
Don-ations
This One’s For Younger Me, The Unintentional Villain Of My Flashbacks
This one’s for the time you look back on your younger years and cringe in embarrassment, or shy away in shame.
In this episode, we explore the importance of re-parenting your inner child and embracing those cringe-worthy moments from the past. Instead of beating ourselves up over old mistakes, we learn to see them as proof of growth.
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Don't let your past embarrass you into silence. You've got too much to say and too much to offer to be trapped by any old mistake. What is up, my friend? Welcome back to Donations. Back to Donations.
Speaker 1:I'm your host, donovan, and I hope the beginning of the new year has been nothing but kind to you. It's crazy that we're already seven, eight days in at this point and I don't even know where it went. I just slightly remember throwing lentils over my head and then I looked up and here we are, but no complaints. It's been a great start so far. Of course I have plans and goals and hopes for the new year and I'm trying to adopt a routine that helps me see those things come to fruition. But with the first day of the year being in the middle of the work week, it made Thursday feel like Monday and then come Saturday afternoon I was looking at my work calendar thinking like I know we have our weekly meeting by this time. Am I missing something? It was just a miss. But now we're back on track Regular week, regular scheduled programming, and I've got a good little spark lit under me and I'm letting that grow naturally and on its own. It doesn't need to be a full-grown flame just yet, and I'm reminding myself of that every morning. And I'm reminding myself of that every morning. I mean, everything is still asleep outside, and, as someone who is very pro-resolutions and pro-goals and starting off the year with a routine that's going to help you reach those goals and then some, I think it's time we take a different approach.
Speaker 1:This year, I think the last bit of leaves just barely fell off the top of my tree in my front yard, so until things are budding again, I don't think we need to be in such a rush. It's winter, a time when nature takes its time, conserving energy, moving slowly, and I think we can learn a lot from that. It's okay to move slow, moving slow in a way that allows us to feel like we're still making progress, but we still have enough time to rest and process what's going on inside of us, without that flame or that little spark burning out, because sometimes the spark isn't just about fuel to move forward. I truly believe that it also lights up the corners of our past and reminds us of what we've outgrown and what lessons we've learned, and which of those lessons we need to carry as we move forward. And I know everyone says never look in the rearview mirror, focus on where you're headed. But I really think that there's no sense in getting where we're trying to go if there's things from the past still weighing on us or that we didn't learn a lesson from those things. Take some revisiting and processing so that we can let go and make space for something new when everything is budding and the spring of our lives comes around. And you know, with all those thoughts running around in my head at this fresh start at the beginning of this new year, one of the thoughts jumbled in there that I've had lately is how much we don't fully understand the spectrum of our actions.
Speaker 1:When we're younger I'm talking junior high, high school, first year or two of college. Younger, I'm talking in the throes of adolescence, and maybe I'm just speaking for myself here. But at that time in my life I did and said some questionable things and acted out because I was driven by my ego or the need to be liked and accepted, things I would never in a million years imagine doing or saying. Now and when I really think about it, I get a little embarrassed. I get a little embarrassed for my high school adolescent self. Okay, maybe a lot embarrassed, I can't lie, and when I say embarrassed I'm talking about light stuff, like the cringy stuff, like that time that I thought a vague, passive-aggressive status update or an overly emotional tweet was the perfect way to get my point across. Or when I wrote a dramatic journal entry or a Facebook post that I thought was profound but in hindsight is more just like wow, you really think you're the main character, huh? Or the times I was just being reckless and doing some outrageous action or whatever in public for the sake of attention or to make friends laugh, like shouting something inappropriate or pulling a dumb prank on someone that could have easily turned harmful, or just doing a dumb dare. Or the million and one times that I was just plain socially awkward and said things that embarrassed nobody but myself.
Speaker 1:Then and now, and more times than not, the cringy stuff like that is easy to chalk up to just normal acting out adolescent behavior right Most of the time. But then it goes all the way to the heavy stuff too, like getting overly heated about something trivial, canceling close friends and calling them out over the tiniest misunderstanding and now realizing how immature it was. Or something like going out of my way to get attention or approval from someone who didn't even care about me, maybe even changing how I talked or how I dressed or how I acted, or even going as far as to oversharing something completely unnecessary, like my friend's top secret gossip or even my own gossip, risking the spreading of rumors, just to be liked or to be seen as superior. And we've all done that right. Whether it's the cringy, light stuff or the really heavy, embarrassing, uncharacter-like things, I think we've all been there, made questionable decisions, and it can feel really dark to be in a place like that where you're looking back on those things and you find yourself asking yourself things like why would I even do that or how did I even get in that situation in the first place? That's something I would never do now or even think twice about.
Speaker 1:Probably the one memory like this that has hit me the most was remembering the time or times that I went out of my way to get attention or approval from people who didn't even care about me then or now, from people who didn't even care about me then or now. And I'm sure you can think of more specifics when it comes to your cringy or embarrassing memories or moments or uncharacter-like behavior, and I apologize for maybe making you remember something you've worked to forget about, but for what it's worth, I'm right there with you, and I'm sure a lot of other people are too, because these moments the heavier ones mostly, but sometimes the cringy ones too they have a way of coming back when you least expect them. Right, you could be just living your life or just simply trying to get some sleep, and your brain throws you back to something you did years ago and it feels heavy, as if it just happened and it sits like a weight on your chest and you can't shake it off fast enough and you start wondering do people still remember this? What if that's how they see me to this day and I'm not going to lie it takes a good minute or two to remember how you're not living in those moments anymore, and it takes a good minute to come back to the present. But here's the truth. You're grown now. You know better that version of you, the one who made those kinds of reckless or embarrassing or thoughtless choices. That's not who you are anymore. And, trust me, no one else is sitting around remembering that moment the way that you are. They've got their own embarrassing moments to deal with. Don't let a five-year-old mistake, or however long ago it was, steal today's peace. Trust me, nobody is replaying it the way that you are.
Speaker 1:But I think a good reason why they come up like that and feel as if being the kind of person who never learned or matured from those things is written across our foreheads, is because, instead of dealing with them, we tend to shove them in a drawer and hope that they'll stay hidden, like our yearbooks are in some tub that our parents put them in when we left the house. But just because those things have been tucked away doesn't mean they're not still taking up space. Every time they resurface, they steal a little more of your energy, a little more of your mental bandwidth. It's like stuffing too many things into a closet. Eventually it's all going to come spilling out and, knowing my luck, it'll probably be in the middle of the night, waking me up thinking someone's breaking in and I'm about to get murdered. And then there I'll be saying my favorite line I got enough going on now as it is, I don't have time for this.
Speaker 1:It's all part of growing up, yes, but instead of processing these moments, we try to forget them. I mean, that's what I've always done. Clearly. That's why I'm here, I think, because maybe the way that we're remembering them somehow becomes this indication that we never actually grew up or matured or stepped into adulthood in a way that would set us up for success. In a way that would set us up for success and I know that you already know that couldn't be furthest from the truth. You are successful and you have matured. But that's why processing these memories is so important, because if we don't take the time to work through them, they'll just keep popping back up when we least expect it, taking up space we should be using for the things that actually matter. Today. You can't heal what you keep shoving into the back of your mind. That stuff is just taking up space that you need for something better. Need for something better.
Speaker 1:And where things get dangerous is when we let those embarrassing moments turn into that spiraling, and then they get the best of us and turn us into a shell of who we are. And we start thinking, if I open up, people will remember that stupid thing I did or said, or what if I'm judged forever by those past mistakes. And so we pull back and we shrink a little bit I've done that or a lot and we stop showing up because we're afraid of being judged by a version of us that no longer exists. Listen, you can't let your past turn you into a shell of the person you're meant to be. Those cringe, embarrassing moments, they're just part of the messy process of growing up. They don't define you and they certainly don't dictate how people see you today. The only person who's still holding on to them is you, and the truth is we've all had those moments where our judgment wasn't the best, and no one's sitting around waiting to remind you of them because, like I said, they've all got their own shit that they're dealing with or that they're trying to forget or process and find forgiveness for.
Speaker 1:So don't let your past embarrass you into silence. You've got too much to say and too much to offer to be trapped by any old mistake. Parenting and taking care of our inner child is a huge responsibility we have to take on the further we step into adulthood, and it does no good hounding on that inner child because of things you've learned better from. So take your power back and let those embarrassing moments show you how far you've come. We all did dumb things growing up, whether it was because of bad influences or bad habits we picked up or created, or just out of pure teenage chaos, we were still figuring ourselves out and we kind of still are figuring ourselves out. And we kind of still are figuring ourselves out. And the more I think about it, all of this can apply to any point in life where you feel that you slipped up and made a mistake that you still wince about when you remember it. But remember that if you look back and cringe, that's because you've grown beyond that version of yourself. You're smarter now and wiser and you've evolved. The healing, growing and thriving. You're doing it and that cringe that you feel or that shame or pang of embarrassment is proof.
Speaker 1:But the real trick is learning how to let go. It's not enough to just shove those memories aside and hope they don't come back. We have to process them, learn from them and then release them. And when I say processing, processing doesn't mean obsessing over them, guilty, or replaying them in your mind over and over again, guilty again. Processing means acknowledging that those things happened whether it was a mistake made in a wild phase or because you didn't know any better and understanding the lesson behind them. Then forgive yourself and let go, clear out that drawer and make room for the things that actually matter now, because the you from back then was doing the best they could with what they knew at the time and, honestly, without those kinds of moments, you wouldn't have the perspective or self-awareness that you have today.
Speaker 1:Everyone talks about the post high school or mid-twenties or post-breakup glow-up, but the real glow-up isn't just how you look, it's realizing your past mistakes don't define you. They're just the lessons that helped you grow. You're allowed to grow beyond your past mistakes and you're allowed to show up as your true self, flaws and all. Don't let those past moments keep you from being who you're meant to be now and don't let the fear of judgment trap you into silence, because the people who matter, they'll see the real you, the one who's grown, who's learned and who's not afraid to show up. What defines us is how we choose to move forward, and you deserve to be free from the weight of your past so that you can live fully now. So forgive your younger self. They were doing the best they could with what they knew and you've got better things to carry than their mistakes.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in today. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need the reminder that they are more than their mistakes. Be sure to check the description of this episode wherever you're listening In. There is a link to support the show and a link to text me. Send me a message and you might just be featured on the show. And don't forget to include your name so that I can get back to you. And don't forget to check out Donations Plus, the new subscription-based podcast, or extension of donations, that is available now exclusively on Apple Podcasts. And, my friend, until the next one, keep living your best life, past mistakes and all, and be careful, thank you.