Don-ations
Ever since I was a kid, I've always been called the sensitive one because of my inability to hide any emotion. Fast forward to my adult years and I'm no longer trying to hide what I'm feeling, I'm wearing my emotions like a badge of honor and using them as tools to help me navigate this crazy and chaotic yet beautiful life. This podcast is simple, I'm going to share simple stories that have taught me some great lessons. I'll share tips that I'm implementing to become the best version of myself. I'll share with you what's helped me navigate dating, relationships, family and friendship dynamics, love, and self discovery. And I'll dive into the human experience, whether just me or with guests, and hopefully shed some light, for you and me, on what the meaning of life just might be. I'm not trying to make it look like I have all the answers, I'm just trying to make it known I'm on this amazing ride too, right there by your side.
Don-ations
My Pants Ripped and Everyone Judged Me For It
In this episode, I dive into the pressures of social media, body image, and staying true to yourself in a world obsessed with what’s “cool” and “trendy.” I share a personal story about how ripping my pants almost derailed my night, and speak about reminding myself that life is too short to hide who we are. Tune in!
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To be honest, I really think we work too damn hard to care about that kind of shit. Like we wake up every morning and we put our best foot forward, regardless of what we're going through, and we keep it pushing, and as long as we're living our life to the fullest and doing our very best and keeping it 100, then who cares about anyone else's like or anyone else's approval or what anyone else has to say about what we do in our free time, what hobbies we have, what we're into, what we look like, what's up guys, welcome back to donations. It's your host, donovan, and I saw one of these saddest things on tiktok this morning, and I see a lot of sad things, but this took the cake this week. It was this girl laying in bed crying, and there was a text over the screen and it read thinking about the youngest siblings to-do list. And I was like huh, because I'm the youngest sibling and I've never heard no to-do list. Was like, is this the chores your mom leaves you when she goes off to work and you're staying home for the summer? But I had no idea.
Speaker 1:So there I go looking up what it is or what video started this trend, and it's basically this slideshow right that says or lists all the things that the youngest sibling has on their daily to-do list. Lists all the things that the youngest sibling has on their daily to-do list because they don't have anyone to play with them or because their siblings are grown and older and out of the house or grown and doing the cool thing, when the youngest sibling is still doing all the uncool things, right, like trying to play board games or worried about their stuffed animal collection or all the uncool things that the older siblings deemed the younger sibling was so annoying for, and how much it makes the younger sibling feel so isolated and lonely. But looking at it now, I can see how, when we're at different ages with those closest to us, we're experiencing different things, we're at different phases in our lives and of course, we gravitate towards those people who are experiencing the same or related things. Right, and that's kind of where that stems from is that the younger sibling kind of has to find things to do on their own or ways to entertain themselves, because they're not going through the same things that their older siblings are going through and they can't relate just yet. And it really got me thinking about how it's not just the sibling dynamic that experiences that. Sometimes it's the friend dynamic that experiences it too. We could be so close to someone, we could have known someone for so many years and we could deem them our best friend in the whole world and we cannot imagine our life without them. But there does come a time when we might find ourselves, at different phases in life, experiencing different things, and we don't necessarily feel like we can relate to each other in those moments if we haven't been through them ourselves, if we haven't experienced them, and that can make someone feel very alone and very isolated. And, like I said, it was one of the saddest things I have seen in a very long time and it just got me thinking how important it is to reach out to people. Reach out to your best friends, reach out to whoever it is, your family members, whoever is in your circle, whoever is closest to you. Reach out to them and just let them know that you're there, let them know that you care, that you're available, that you love them, because even though siblings don't intentionally try to make the youngest sibling feel so isolated and we don't intend to make our friends feel isolated when this is going on it's still important to let them know that you're there and let them know that they're seen.
Speaker 1:And speaking of being seen, for the past six months I've been on this journey with baking. I've been making treats and cupcakes and cookies and everything that you can think of and dipping them in chocolate and decorating them, doing all that stuff right, and it's been fun. I've genuinely been enjoying myself and baking is something that I've done before that I kind of dabbled in for a little bit, but priorities change and the things that we focus on in life shift and I kind of fell out of it. But recently something brought me back to it and I've made these awesome videos and posted them on TikTok and started building what feels like a legit side business, a legit side hustle. I've even gained some customers and made some sales and I really am proud of what I've achieved in this short amount of time.
Speaker 1:But ask me if I've shared that on my regular social media pages and not just a page dedicated to baking, because I do have a page that's dedicated to baking. It's out there, I have an Instagram for it and I have a TikTok for it and a Facebook for it. But ask me if I've shared it on my regular social media pages, on my Donovan social media pages? No, I haven't.
Speaker 1:And for a second there I thought about it and I was like you know, it doesn't really this baking thing and this donations thing don't really mesh. But also part of me felt a little embarrassed, like baking didn't fit into who I am and I guess, like taking fitness and mindset and mental health and all that motivation, inspiration, stuff into account, baking isn't really what people expect to see and also it's not cool, right, at least not to the people who I think are used to seeing the shirtless pics or the aesthetic shots I have made my page known for. And I started to think like why? Why is that? Why do we fall into this trap where we think we have to conform to what's trendy or what people like to see, or we can't let people know that we're into this thing because it's definitely not the cool thing and we're just going to get made fun of for it? We trade our authenticity for acceptance. We trade our authenticity for acceptance.
Speaker 1:It's almost as if the validation from others becomes more important than being true to ourselves, and obviously I'm guilty of it too right, hesitating to share something that brings me joy because I'm worried it doesn't fit into the mold of what people want. But why should I care? And I get it. It's probably like oh, you bake, that's cool. Like, do your thing, like who cares? Just show it right. And it's easy for some people, but for other people it's not that easy. It's not that easy to shrug something like that off, because we've been made fun of for so many things for so long that we don't want to give someone any more ammunition. But here's the truth. Who cares what people think? Who cares what people want to see? I'm proud of what I've done. I'm proud of what I've been able to do. I'm proud of being able to create something that other people have deemed worthy of their celebrations. That makes me feel good and I shouldn't hide that.
Speaker 1:Another part of it is like not that I agree, but baking is seen as a girl thing or as a feminine thing, and you don't really see men baking all that much, and to me that's kind of trying to preserve my masculinity thing. It's like let's not really put that out there too much because it can kind of compromise your image, right, and so maybe that's another big reason why I've kept it from my main page and it's all about trends, right? Social media is all about trends, and some of the biggest ones are not necessarily about baking or about compromising your image, right? Because it's all about looking cool. But you know what your worth isn't tied to someone else's expectations. So if you want to post something, post it. If you want to share part of yourself, share it. Who cares whether that's cool or acceptable, or feminine or masculine or whatever it is, just let it be you and just let it be authentic, and people will see that and people will appreciate it for what it is. And when you do that, you'll tell yourself that your hobbies and your passions are worth celebrating, even if they don't get a thousand likes.
Speaker 1:Likes don't define your life. Even if they don't get a thousand likes, likes don't define your life. You do, and I am guilty of this for sure, but I don't know why we minimize who we are for the sake of likes. When did likes become currency? And let me tell you something else it's a shit truth that the world will treat you differently based on how you look. It's not just what you do, it's how you look. If you look like you've got it together physically, people will treat you one way, but if you don't, they'll treat you another. But I say, as long as I'm intentionally working on myself for myself, then I don't care what I do or don't look like. As long as I'm good mentally, physically and spiritually, then to hell with the rest.
Speaker 1:It's so easy to get caught up in the pressures of social media to chase likes and follows, especially from people we've never even met before, and follows, especially from people we've never even met before, people who only care about, like I said, what's trendy or what's popular, and not about who we are as real, complex individuals. We forget that we're human beings with emotions, passions and unique talents, and those very things should always be a part of us. Those should always be on display. The very parts of ourselves that we're so proud of should always be on display when it comes to presenting ourselves to the world. And sure, the worst parts of ourselves are on display sometimes too. But that's what we're working on and that's what matters, right? Because above all of that stuff, behind every screen is a real person with real feelings, and yet we hide the parts of ourselves that don't fit the mold, as if there's something to be ashamed of, and trust me.
Speaker 1:I know it's scary to show those parts of ourselves because we feel like we're giving permission to be judged, showing something that people might say is uncool or something that they might mock but we're too old for that schoolyard playground shit. We're adults now. We shouldn't hide who we are. We should own every single part of ourselves. Own all that you are and all that you have the power to be. The people who truly deserve to be in your life will be there, no matter what you do or what you look like, and those people are the ones worth your limited time here on this earth. And in speaking of people worth your time, we do that with potential partners or in dating too right. We hide parts of ourselves because we think it'll make us be more loved or more accepted, only to find ourselves further into quote-unquote relationship with someone, feeling like we don't recognize ourselves because we've lost ourselves in who they are. We've let who they are take over parts of ourselves that we held so near and dear to our hearts and that we were so proud of before we met them. And we are so much better than that. We are so much more deserving than that. To be loved isn't to be loved for one part of ourselves or for the cool or trendy or popular part of ourselves it's to be transparent about.
Speaker 1:But the other day I contemplated canceling plans I was super excited about because I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. I didn't like how puffy and shiny my face looked and I didn't like how the clothes I was wearing were fitting. But I tried my best to shove that feeling down as hard as I could and keep pushing forward because it was time to go. But then, as if the universe was testing me, my pants ripped right in the crotch while I was climbing into my friend's truck. And, yeah, I felt about five inches tall in that moment and I know it's sometimes a funny thing, right People rip their pants and everybody laughs and it's so funny and it's not that we're laughing at them or laughing with them, right.
Speaker 1:But after having been through that whole scenario where I was looking in the mirror and I wasn't feeling my best, and then I'm getting up in this truck and my pants rip, it felt like confirmation of every insecurity I was already dealing with and it didn't feel like I was being laughed with. It felt like the things I was so insecure about was something the whole world was about to have permission to judge me for and it really just had me spiraling in that back seat on the way to my house to change into some different pants. But it also had me realizing the fact that I haven't been feeling my best when it comes to my physical appearance and that's hard to admit because, coming off of one of the fittest times in my life, maybe six months ago, it's hard to admit that priorities have shifted, focuses have changed and it's not the center of my life right now, and I posted a story the other day about the lead up to the day's workout feeling tough and then the actual workout being tougher than usual and how, if I had taken better care of myself, meaning gotten enough sleep and proper nutrition and maybe stressed a little less, then I wouldn't have had that problem. But, like I said, priorities do shift and that gets in the way of your exercise and sleep and eating regimen sometimes and that's inevitable. But you know what else it is. It's okay.
Speaker 1:It's okay that priorities have shifted, it's okay that I'm not as fit as I was six months ago, it's okay that my pants ripped and it's okay that I haven't posted any shirtless pics, and I shouldn't let those things allow me to feel like, once again, the world is ending, because it's really started to make me wonder. Am I trying to build a community based on people who only want to see me shirtless and who only engage when I'm half naked? Or am I trying to build a community of people who are working to heal their hurts and who are trying to stand tall again and like I will post another shirtless pic in the future? For sure, but only because working out plays such a huge part in maintaining my mental health and it feels good to see visual evidence of that hard work. But if it's because I'll get more likes and more engagement from the people who just want to see another naked guy online, then no, like I don't care. And if it were only that, I'd probably never post another pic like that again.
Speaker 1:And it really just got me down in the dumps thinking about how much I sometimes we really really minimize ourselves or water parts of ourselves down for the sake of someone else and, to be honest, I really think we work too damn hard to care about that kind of shit, like we wake up every morning and we put our best foot forward, regardless of what we're going through and we keep it pushing, and as long as we're living our life to the fullest and doing our very best and keeping it 100, then who cares about anyone else's like or anyone else's approval or what anyone else has to say about what we do in our free time, what hobbies we have, what we're into, what we look like, how we dress any of that? Who cares? Do the things that bring you joy, that make you excited to wake up in the morning. Don't hold back any part of yourself for the sake of someone else's acceptance. And let me repeat again, because if you're like me, it takes multiple times to hear it before it sinks in Stop wasting your time worrying about whether someone else loves or accepts you.
Speaker 1:Love yourself louder than anyone else's opinion. You don't need validation from anyone else to be valuable Every part of you, from your passions to your struggles. If someone doesn't get it or if they say that's not cool, then they're not for you. Don't turn your back on yourself for the sake of someone else's approval. I have said it once and I'll say it again we're all on this journey together, so it's about time we stop worrying about what others think, whether it's online or offline, or in real life or whatever. Let's stop seeking validation from others and start validating ourselves for all that we are and for all that we do. Who cares if we bake? Who cares if we're shirtless or not shirtless, or the fittest or not fittest, who cares? Social media does not define you. You define you. Be real, be proud of who you are and use authenticity as your superpower. That's the only thing that matters. You are the only person that can be you, in whatever shape, in whatever form, through whatever struggle and every triumph. Be you.